I did a pinky swear with 
kellyrfineman to formally start work on MTLB, my next verse novel, TODAY. My goal is to have the first rough draft of the book done by September 1st, if not before so I can’t put it off any longer. Acting class was dismissed early so this is just my procrastination, I mean pre-writing, before I actually dive in. I want to have one new poem roughed out before I go to bed. It will probably be the day that is different. It may not be the beginning of the book but it is a scene that needs to be shown early on and better yet, it is a scene where I already know what happens.
It still surprises me how every book begins differently. Some with a whisper, like Hugging the Rock, and some, like this new one, with a scream.
When I began Hugging the Rock I never intended to write in free verse. I tried everything BUT poetry to find the voice. Yet it was through short poems written in stolen snatches of time that Rachel’s voice came to me. This time I am deliberately choosing the form of a verse novel. And it scares me to death. I have a main character. But there is no voice. I don’t think think there’s a voice. No, I’m pretty sure that I’m just talking to myself and M isn’t talking to anyone. Of course, who could blame her for wanting to stay quiet after what she did. It isn’t like friends are breaking the door down to talk to her. Which is just as well because, like I said, she’s not talking to anyone. She IS doing a powerful amount of thinking. And then there’s that teacher who just can’t resist the chance to meddle in M’s business. Lucky for M she does. If you asked her, and if you could get her talk about herself in the way that shrinks and best friends can make you talk, I think M would say that it all started on Tuesday when her shoe came untied in front of the bus stop on the corner and she bent over to retie it and . . .I don’t think she’s ready to spill the beans yet. I have more of a plot than a voice and I don’t know how to write like that. I’m thinking about backstory and motivation and if it is even an interesting idea or just a collage of cliches when really, all I need is a voice.
If your character refuses to speak to you, how can you tell their story?
I hate the uncertainty that comes with starting a new book, of committing myself to a story as yet untold. What if I can’t find the voice? What if I don’t remember how to tell a story? What if it just plain STINKS? Yes, I know, enjoy the process, which I do. But at the beginning of something new I also go through this “omigosh I don’t think I can ever write a book again” time.
My husband reminds me that this is part of my process. I fall apart, sure that I have forgotten anything I ever knew about how to tell a story. I throw myself against the mountain, again and again, until some little crack breaks open and the story takes off. I’ve done it before and I will do it again. But I’d sure feel better about it all if I had a voice.
And so it begins.
Susan,
Congrats on the new project!! You can do it!!
Have you thought about writing your process down on an index card? I did this last month and now if I need a boost or just a reminder to enjoy where I am as it’s going (or at least not run screaming away), I glance at that card. Oh yeah, that’s part of my process. It has a way of freeing me up to keep moving…
This is a fabulous idea! I need a card to carry around with me and one to post at each of my writing spots.
Thank you!
You’re so welcome!! Hope it works for you 🙂
Bon voyage!
🙂
Hope you discover many wonderful things along the process.
Me too! I just hope I can do it with a similar intensity to the last book. Sigh.
If she won’t tell you the story in her own voice, perhaps someone else can tell her story for her, at least for a while?
Good idea Kelly. Maybe if I use that distance she will eventually have to pipe up and help me get the facts straight.
Did you manage to get started yesterday?
Instead of trying a new poem I reread the few that I had written a while back for this book and then brainstormed some potential scenes.
What I wrote is completely useless. Seriously. But I started, and that’s what matters. Today I’ve done some more research, but I will continue to try to find a way to start. Eventually, the path will present itself. And then, I will follow my icon’s advice and “keep on path.”
First of all… good luck today!
I’m suddenly in a doubt crisis…it goes like this: what if this story is too lame? too cliche? it’s been told 150,000 times in as many different ways… why am I wasting my time with this. I should do something else, like knit, because at least I’d have a scarf when I was finished…
I’m my own worst enemy.
Thanks, and I can relate to being your own worst enemy. What we have to do is learn to be our own best cheerleaders.
Here’s the thing, there is only one you in the Universe and there are stories that are only yours to tell. If you don’t tell them, there are generations to come who will never know that particulary story because you were afraid to write it.
You story, no matter how many different ways it has been told before, has never been told by you. And that’s important.
Jennifer Jacobson led a session on Resistance this past weekend at NESCBWI. I went, because I was feeling much the same as you on my newest MG. I was amazed to find how many people feel that way!
Jennifer recommends forging through. She sets a specific goal such as one page or 10 lines. One person said they keep a “feel good” folder so when they’re feeling down, they pull out good editorial commments, letters from fans, notes from their agent. I thought that was a great idea.
Somewhere in there was metioned that one author keeps their manuscript file open all day on the computer. They may get up to do a load of laundry or make a cup of tea, but it’s easier to sit back down and write if they leave it open.
I hope these help .. . don’t hesitate to ask for moral support!
All good tips, and thank you. The just forgin onward is the right thing to do but first I have to give myself permission to write those crappy first drafts.
I think the tough thing right now is not hearing a voice. Hugging the Rock began with a voice and I felt very grounded by it. Having no voice means right now I am just wandering around and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to do just that. That it’s exactly what I should be doing. It isn’t a race to the finish. But sometimes I forget. 🙂
Yeah – those crappy first drafts can be agravating. I like the revision process, but to get to it, I have to push through the first draft.
You do voice so well, it’ll find you soon.
It’s my downfall . . . I’m a plot girl!
Happy writing!
sounds like a great start! go go go!
I know it. You know it. The voice will come. In a dream. Through the wind. From a TV commercial. You’ll recognize it. You’ll grab it. You’ll start. You’ll shine.
I do a lot of dream suggestions so that’s very possible.
Thanks.:-)
>>If your character refuses to speak to you, how can you tell their story?<<
Usually I throw things at them.
I don’t mean like flower vases. I mean events, especially things that are not so much fun. Usually I can wear down a character this way until he cries, “All right, enough already! I’ll talk! I’ll TALK!”
A good point. And you made me realize that just because the final version of the book is in verse all this early stuff doesn’t have to be. I need to do just that, throw a bunch of stuff at her and see what happens.
Thanks.