Today was the last of 7 poetry sessions with a group of incarcerated young men.
I won’t pretend it was easy to go back there today. It wasn’t. Not after the rough day on Monday. I really had to psyche myself up, reread all the supportive comments people had left me, and then apply my usual mode of dealing with things I can’t deal with – fake it til you make it.
I had asked for permission to bring in some snacks for our last day and permission was granted but I wasn’t feeling much like partying when I stopped at the grocery store. Still I loaded up on tortilla chips, super hot salsas (tip from the teacher) and some cookies. But my confidence was pretty much shot.
I was up until 2am this morning making sure I had all their work typed up for them and scanning all their art. I kept the originals of the self-portraits for the display, as well as a few other pieces of art and gave the rest back to them. I made a copy of everything for the teacher as she has to give them a grade. I had to remove the Velcro closures on their portfolios in order for them to be able to keep them.
I wrote each boy a letter, personalized just for them and put it in a colored envelope. Then I went to bed but didn’t sleep.
This morning I struggled for a long time over what we would do writing-wise today and changed my mind three times.
When I got there I asked the teacher how they were doing and she said they were lazy today and might not want to work at all. She also said that the one boy who made me the object of his hate me had decided he was sick so he could leave class before I arrived. I was okay with that. Just looking at his self-portrait last night had brought it all back again. Not having to deal with him today was a bonus in my book.
She also said they were under a tighter watch as there had been an escape the night before so I really had no idea what to expect from the group when I went in. One of the avid writers, one who really spent a lot of time on all his work and obviously enjoyed the writing, was at the dentist. I was sad that he wasn’t able to be there with us.
The mood seemed good in the room and they asked for something fun and easy. They have always been good at brainstorming and today they were no exception. We filled the board with words and phrases and then edited for our favorites. I rewrote it on the board and they did a final edit. I decided at the last minute to do a group poem with them that we could do on the board, then revise together. A format I came up with last night and would serve as a model for a poem they would do on their own.
Here is the group poem they wrote.
Poetry
has a beautiful life to it.
You sound like happiness, sadness, love
taste like fresh strawberries
and feel like soft skin, sandpaper, a brick wall.
Poetry is all the colors of the rainbow
and smells like freedom, incarceration, a sexy girl.
Oh poetry, you drive me crazy.
You make me want to scream, to feel, to heal.
You look like sunshine and moonlight in the city.
Poetry is feelings on paper.
After that they did one last poem on their own and as they finished, I handed out their folders and the letters. They were upset that I had to remove the Velcro but soon the room was buzzing as they sorted through the folders to see what they had accomplished. The guard today was new to me and they were anxious to show off all their work. They told him the story of the mirrors and the massive zit-popping orgy that ensued when they first saw themselves. Then they opened the letters and immediately had to check and see who had the longest one. They shared them with the guard and asked me if they could share them with the judge.
My tough guy, the one who stood up to me on day two, said, “I wish I had known you were writing letters. We could have written you letters too.” I told him he still could. I would come down anytime to pick them up.
When I brought out the snacks they were so surprised. The choruses of thank-yous were nice to hear. My tough guy spoke up again and said, “You didn’t have to do that for us.”
I just smiled at him feeling very glad that I had. My missing writer returned from the dentist right about then and I don’t think I was imagining the light in his eyes when he came into the room. Later the teacher told me that he was really worried and hadn’t wanted to miss the last day.
While they ate I asked them if they wanted to help me with my current book, Flyboy’s story. And they said yes. One, normally a jokester who takes nothing seriously, surprised me. He said it was only right for them to try and help me because I had already helped them so much. I found it a little hard to speak again right away after he said that.
So I told them about Flyboy and the troubles he was having. I asked their input on what a teenage boy would do in some of the situations I was putting Flyboy in. It felt good to hear their reactions match what I was doing with the plot. Sometimes, before I even got that far in the story, they’d pipe up with a suggestion and I would smile to myself because I had already written that very scene.
They hated the mom right along with me and wanted her dead. They were okay with him having a girlfriend or not having one and if he had one, it was okay if she did some things, even flying, better than he did. They understood why some of the things happened to Flyboy and his dad. They didn’t like it but they understood.
I asked them if they thought Flyboy would be able to forgive, as he needs to do in this story, and they said yes.
They said that with enough love, it was possible.
It was a good way to end the session because really, that’s what it was all about for me.
I love words. I believe they have enormous power. Power to do good, power to heal, power to bring hope.
It wasn’t an easy set of workshops but I wouldn’t have missed doing it for anything. And I would do it again and again. I asked them to each write down something they got out of the workshops and my favorite answer (besides the one who said he learned that revision wasn’t as bad as he thought) was the one who said he learned that he could get relief when he expressed his feelings on paper.
Color me happy. Mission accomplished.
As they were leaving they all shouted out more thank yous. I was pretty sure it was for the food. That’s okay. It was nice to see them filling their plates like regular teenagers enjoying an afterschool snack.The room was empty and I was ready to go. One student came back and held out his hand.
I shook it and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you, Ma’am.”
He didn’t say anything else but I got the message just the same. And as clichéd as it may sound, It made everything worthwhile.
Grade for it all – – – I’m giving myself an A.
Wow. What an experience. I’m so proud of you. It sounds like you reached them better than one would expect in such a short amount of time. They’ll remember you always.
Thanks, Kim. If you had told me on Monday that today would turn out like it did I would never, ever believe you. I think in the future I would do shorter and more sessions just to get a little more time in with them. But I’m so pleased.
You get an A+ from me for making me cry.
Thanks. It took me a while to type it all up because I kept getting all weepy-eyed myself.
*sniff* You made me cry. Happy tears. Proud tears.
Well done, Susan.
Thank you, Kelly. A hard-fought battle.
I’ve loved reading these. Thank you for posting them!
Thanks for reading!
Okay, first, what a beautiful poem.
Second, congrats on the A, both for earning it and GIVING it to yourself!
This feels so good. I think for some of these boys, there must–during the process–always be a fear of failure, of not doing something right, of not being able to write, etc. You showed them how they all succeeded, Susan. Wonderful.
Thanks for all the support you gave me while I went through this. I was thrilled with their poem too.
And I hope I showed them that they did, indeed, succeed. I know I kept telling them there were no wrong answers, just a whole lot of questions.
Yay! I’m so glad you had such a great last day. I’ve so enjoyed reading about your experience. It’s been incredible to see the effect that you and poetry were able to have.
Thanks for reading along with me. It was very empowering to me.
That was a beautiful poem, and powerful. Your post was beautiful, too, and made me tear up. I’m glad you all had the experience together. And thank you for sharing it with us.
Thanks for being here with me on this crazy ride. It has helped me so much by being able to share it with my friends here.
He said it was only right for them to try and help me because I had already helped them so much. I found it a little hard to speak again right away after he said that.
I had to stop reading for a minute after this bit because I teared up.
I’m so glad today worked out, and that you left on a high note and got to see at least a little of the effect you’ve had on them. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
And, btw: that’s an A+, missy!
Thank you for reading along. I was glad to see a bit of the effect too. It sure helps me power up to think about doing it again.
And thanks for the grade. 🙂
That was very satisfying! Go You….and them too!
Thanks. It was very satisfying for me too.
You so rock! But of course, we all knew you would. They created a beautiful poem under your guidance. If you are ever having one of those days when you are doubting that you matter, just re-read this post. You brought a glimmer of light to each one of those boys. Brava!
Thanks. If I forget, you poke me and help me remember, okay?
Wow. That was so lovely to read! I’m so happy that your last day there was a positive one.
You have touched all of these boys, you really have. It’s amazing, and I truly admire you for your hard work.
Thank you for sharing the experience, too. It makes my heart lighter to read about it.
Thanks for reading along with me (I know the posts were hecka long) and sharing my journey. I was really glad, too, that the day ended on a high.
Well, I’m tearing up here, Susan! What an incredible experience for all involved.
And the poem. OMG, the poem!! I love it. Can you submit to your local paper?
I give you an A*, because you brought something very special and memorable (besides chips, LOL!) to these boys’ lives.
Thanks so much for posting!
Thanks for sharing in my joy at the experience. I don’t know about submitting it anywhere but it will be on display with some of their individual work at a local musuem.
Okay, so you’ve started off my day at work with tears. They’re good tears though. Your experience here is repeated daily across the country, and it’s why I will never do anything by teach. Remember when I wrote that even though you felt like you weren’t seeing it, that you WERE making a difference. Mission accomplished indeed.
Thank you so very much for sharing.
Tricia you are so right. I can’t thank you enough for the hand-holding and support you gave me on this project. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done but also one of the most gratifying. My hats off to teachers like you in the trenches day after day after day.
Wow. What a way to start the day. That’s an incredible story, and your writing is lovely. Thank you for giving me something so wonderful to read on a Thursday morning.
I linked here from Becky Levine’s blog–so glad I did!
Amy
http://thetenaciouswriter.blogspot.com
Amy, thanks for coming over to read my blog. I’m glad you enjoyed hearing about my journey.
Beautiful post. What an emotional roller coaster the whole experience was. You reached them, touched them, made a difference. Nothing can change that. You are very brave, and must be very proud. Loved the group poem.
Thanks, Jama. It really was an emotional roller coaster ride – whew! But so worth it. Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I am very proud.
Susan!
I am crying! I read all your posts about this workshop series and felt so right there with you. Man, oh man, I am telling you whatever these guys go through and whatever they do next with their lives after being incarcerated they will have the power of words and the power of story alive in them.
Wonderful job!
Re: Susan!
Thank you so much! I can’t tell you how much more joyful it makes me feel having shared all the journey with my friends here online. I could feel all you supporting me each step of the way. It is my hope too that they will carry the power of words and the power of story with them forever.
***waah!!***
Teary, teary business, this touching folks with poetry…
You should be so satisfied, Susan.
So, so satisfied.
Thanks, Liz. I am mostly satisfied. Of course I see 101 places that I need to improve as a teacher and I’m not quite sure how to do that but I am really pleased with the boys. Really, really pleased.
Awwww. Thank you for sharing your experiences doing this, Susan.
You’re welcome. Thanks for reading along. I know the posts were overly long. 🙂
what a beautiful entry!!
I’m so glad to read this…I’m so happy you had this ending with them…and you gave them lasting gifts, Susan. It was really lovely lovely to read this beautiful post.
Love
Kerry
Re: what a beautiful entry!!
Thank you, Kerry. I could feel your love and support behind me every step of the way.
Your wonderful story made me tear up several times, especially here:
he learned that he could get relief when he expressed his feelings on paper
What a door to have opened in someone’s life….
And I love it that you opened the door the other way, too, letting them help you. I’m filled with admiration for all of you — especially you!
Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m still awash in the emotions of it all.
I’m glad the last session went so well. I knew they all must be getting things from the workshops–just from the fact that you cared so much, let alone the gateway into spirit that art can be. I figured they might not be able to express that, or even realize it yet, and it’s such a blessing that they were able to express it. And that you all were able to give so much to one another.
Thanks, Jenn. I was surprised too at what they did express. The couple that I thought would speak up were silent and some of the other ones that I had little to no expectations around, they were the most vocal.
It was just an amazing experience.
Workshops
Hi, I just read through your posts while researching poetry workshop ideas for teens. What a fascinating, no-holds-barred insight into your project. Thanks so much for sharing.