Dear Girl #1,
You boyfriend’s right. You shouldn’t go to that funeral. I know you’re going to go ahead and go but you really shouldn’t. It’s not that something bad is going to happen there. You’ll have a good time seeing as how it’s the first funeral you’ve ever gone to and everything.

It’s the after part you should be worried about. Sorry about your car.

Dear Girl #2,
I am not writing about your boobs. Nope. I don’t care who you’re flashing them to I’m not writing about them.

Well, not much anyway.