If you haven’t already seen Brené Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability, you need to go watch it now. Really. After watching it you might want to order one of her books. I highly recommend both of them but my favorite is The Gifts of Imperfection. So much of the creative world I live in is centered around feedback from others – is my work good enough to publish, to exhibit? Will I get reviewed and if so, will the review be any good? I admire those creatives who are able to say screw the rest of the world, I’m creating what I want to create. I can do it sometimes but not always.
But after reading Brené’s books I realize there are more ways to seek that approval than just with publishing. It’s all around me and I’ve become hyper-aware of it, maybe too aware of it, because I find myself hesitating to do things, to say things, because I don’t know if it will be perceived as trying to call attention to myself. As with everything else, I suppose it is a balancing act and I will have to go too far the other direction and then pull myself back to the center.
Chasing worthiness
want to quit that full-time job
my ego screams NO
Susan Taylor Brown.
All rights reserved.
Perusing your wonderings and wanderings and ponderings and poemings, and I’m left with a sense that I’m cheating with my poem a day play. Because for me, it’s ONLY play. It’s one month, it’s an add-on, it’s not my life and identity at stake.
What if I lost my day job/my teaching job. What if I were shaken to the core of my teacher identity? What would I write if everything I have lived for for 27 years no longer fed me (literally or figuratively)?
I guess what I’m saying is, it only took me half a month, but really feeling your struggle, now that I’ve put it in my own terms.
As Laura Salas said to me: POEM ON!!!
Thanks for pondering along with me. It’s been an interesting journey. I feel like I am still supposed to write, want to write, but I am different person than I was just a few years ago and I need to be willing to go deeper and let that inform my writing.
Susan- I love this. The upside-down spider pic was my favorite. Maybe one day I’ll try my hand at art.
~laurie kolp