flyboy

Letters to Characters: Dear Flyboy

Dear Flyboy,

It’s been a while since I wrote you. I’ve missed you but I didn’t know what to say to you anymore. I’ve felt like I’ve been talking in circles in your story for years and just not getting anywhere and, to tell you the truth, I was starting to wonder if it was worth the trouble. I was starting to think that maybe your story was just for me and that maybe I ought to let it go.

Then along came April and National Poetry month. I wrote all these poems about my dad that I never knew and I started thinking about how much you and I were alike, how many questions we both have about our pasts.

April surprised me with all the feelings that got stirred up inside of me. Things I didn’t think bothered me started to bother me something fierce and things that should have pissed me off didn’t seem like such a big deal. Hurts I thought I had buried a long time ago came bubbling up to the surface to hurt me all over again but by the end of the month I had a few more answers than I’d had at the beginning of the month and even if I didn’t like the answers, well, they were my answers to my story.

Which got me thinking about you and Wilson and Tate and how, if I’m going to tell your story, the right story, I’m going to have to hurt you. A lot.

I’ll just go ahead an apologize for that now.

Signed,
me

Tuesday, June 1, 2010|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , |8 Comments
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The distance between real life and story

There have been some things going on in my life lately. Some things that have me thinking those deep, dark thoughts that keep you up at night. I found this old post from a few years ago that touches on it somewhat and I thought I’d share it again, (with some editing) because it explains a lot of where my mind is at of late . . . though it helps if you can read between the lines.

* * *
Hemingway said, and I can’t remember the exact quote so I’ll try to paraphrase it, he said that he couldn’t write about Paris when he lived there. He had to leave Paris before he could put the words on the page that would describe his experiences. While living there it was too much, too intense, too something and it skewed his vision. He needed distance and the passage of time before he could tell his story.

Some stories, while not easy, can still be written while you are in the midst of living them. When my kids were little I wrote about events within weeks or months of them happening. It was fun, like putting things in their baby scrapbooks. I recorded their awkward moments, their growth, and many of our special family memories. I told stories about our family and I got paid for it. Now I can go back and reread those old articles and it’s like picking up an old teddy bear and paging through a scrapbook of their childhood.

But other stories, perhaps those that touch the most painful parts of us, lay fallow for many years before the words begin to venture forth. I believe our emotions go into self-preservation mode and give us time to heal before we’re strong enough to attempt share a piece of ourselves through the telling of a story. My first picture book, Can I Pray With My Eyes Open? rested deep beneath the surface for over 25 years before it burst forth, near fully formed in one sitting. I can tie that story to an exact moment in time, when I was 10 years old, and I know that the book was an answer to a question asked long ago. Another picture book, Oliver’s Must-do List , seems, at first, to be a simple story about a mother and a child have a playday together but I can tell you now that it was born of guilt – immense guilt that my children were grown and I couldn’t go back and spend more time with them. Hugging the Rock is a novel about fathers and daughters, but more than that, it is about making peace with things you cannot change. I never knew my father and I wondered about him for many years. I can’t remember when I finally stopped searching but when I did, I realized that my own story was inching closer to the surface, closer to being ready to be heard.

Hugging the Rock is also about picking up the pieces after a divorce. Though many friends advised me to, I couldn’t write about my own divorce in the years immediately after it happened. The pain was too immense, the emotions too raw. But time was a helpful balm. Eventually my emotions bubbled to the surface telling me when it was time to write the story. In the process of the writing there were still some deep and painful moments but because I had waited, I was strong enough to go to the dark places and still come out alive. Enough time had passed that I could accept the blame for what was mine and let go of the blame for anything else. I could see the details through the tears.

There are other childhood events I want to write about someday but they’re still simmering and I’m still healing. Those stories will have to wait a bit longer. It’s been almost a dozen years but I know I am not yet ready to write about my time in New Orleans. I don’t know how long it will take before I am brave enough to face those demons head on. Not all my writing is tied to a piece of my past but I am making an effort to mine the treasures I have within because I do believe that’s where the juiciest stories wait to be told.

As many of you know, I’m working on Flyboy’s story right now. This project began over 25 years ago when my then-husband and I spent weekends out on the tarmac, our necks straining as we watched the sky at the air shows the way film buffs watch the movies.

What part of my life is like Flyboy’s? Where’s the connection? What makes it so hard to write? I don’t fly planes. I’m not adopted. My dad wasn’t famous. But I know what it’s like for the main character to obsess about planes the way I obsess about writing. I know what it’s like to wonder where you came from and how that might affect where you’re going. I know what it’s like to feel lonely even in the midst of a family.

When you’ve been working on a book for over 25 years, like I have with this one, the story becomes so wrapped up in your own life that sometimes it’s hard to remember what happened to me and what happened to Flyboy. Was it Flyboy or was it me that found the box that held so many secrets? Was it Flyboy or was it me that met someone who knew their father and answered questions held silent for so long? Was it Flyboy or was it me that finally realized the true meaning of family?

I hope it is both. I hope I can tell that kind of a story, one that feels like it happened to you.

I hope that helping Flyboy find his answers will help me decide what to do with some questions of my own.
 

Thursday, November 5, 2009|Categories: Writing Process|Tags: , , |11 Comments
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Letter to Flyboy

Dear Flyboy,

I’m going to turn you upside down and see what happens. You’ve always been in control. Always held back. Never wanted to let me see you cut loose. Well guess what? All that’s about to change. Let’s see how you like it now

Signed,

Me

Saturday, September 5, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |10 Comments
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Saturday Six – A Flyboy Edition (with a whisper from Plant Kid)

This week got away from me. I thought about blogging on Thursday and Friday but I missed it. I have a good excuse though. I’ve been working on Flyboy. In my actual office even.

1. I started this week with seven chapters of a sloppy draft of Flyboy. The goal being to get all the main characters introduced and show a couple of flying scenes. Goal met.

2. It was a really, really sloppy draft. So much so that a couple of times I wanted to cry because I thought I had forgotten how to write. I recovered enough to realize I do know how to write but am still not sure I know how to write this story.

3. Began revising. Why now? Because I wanted to get this partial into shape enough to send to my agent.

4. This week I printed out what I had written. Made changes in hard copy. Input changes. Went through and let Word highlight all my typically overused words. I am now on Chapter Four excessive word use clean-up.

5. After I finish #4, hopefully in a few hours, I will print it all out and go through it one more time. Then I will have no excuses left and have to face the, (cue the music) dreaded synopsis.

6. Plant Kid is still whispering in my ear though. He told me he wants his own blog and I about had a heart attack.

Saturday, August 22, 2009|Categories: Writing Process|Tags: , , , |12 Comments
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Dear Flyboy

Dear Flyboy,

What’s in the wallet? Does it matter, really, or are you just playing with me? I’ve been driving toward that scene for what feels like forever and now, wham, you took the wind right out of my sails. What gives?

I don’t think you’re really that afraid of the dog after all but Spencer, yeah, she scares the crap out of you.

And eventually you need to talk to Wilson and Duncan or I might as well just kill them both off.

Signed,
Me

Tuesday, August 18, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |1 Comment
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Friday Five – A Flyboy Edition

1. I am on page 47 of Flyboy’s story.

2. I have written all week.

3. I made it over a mini hump in the story.

4. I did some clean-up, some deleting.

5. I am still on page 47 of Flyboy’s story.

Friday, August 7, 2009|Categories: Writing Process|Tags: , , |13 Comments
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And the characters write back

The other day I wrote letters to my characters. Today they wrote back.

Dear Author Who Has Trouble Recognizing Happy Herself,

Happy is easy. It’s when I fly. Anytime I take to the air I feel happy and if something is pissing me off, I forget about it as soon as I grip the yoke. Most of the time anyway. Perfect is tougher. The day I flew my first solo was pretty close. But I think the day Edna took me up in her old Stearman was about as close to perfect as I can remember. One of those lazy summer days where for once there wasn’t a pile of something gone wrong waiting for me on the ground. The sky was clear and still and I gazed out at it from between the flying wires and wanted us to keep on flying forever. The pockety-pockety sound of the engine was better than anything I had on my playlist.

Yeah, I’d say that day was pretty close to perfect. Until we landed.

Signed,
Flyboy

 

Dear Author,

Here’s the thing about bugs. If you stand still in front of a plant and just wait, the bugs will come.  Big fuzzy Carpenter bees that make you want to reach out and touch their velvet fur. Hover flies that try to mimic bees. Katydids that blend in so well with the leaves that if you blink, they disappear. Over on the milkweed bright yellow aphids cover the plant and bring the ladybugs in for a feast. If you wait long enough you might see the ants band together to protect their aphids from the ladybug.

Once you stop using all that chemical junk in a yard it’s like a whole new universe moves in. Some bugs live. Some bugs die. But things happen the way they’re supposed to happen, in a way that makes sense if you apply nature’s logic.

When the rest of my world is turned upside down, it makes me feel better to see the garden balancing things out.

Signed,
Plant Kid

 

Dear Author,

The creep knows what he did. I’m not talking about it until I know he’s locked up or dead. And I’m not lying about my sister. It’s plain and simple. I told you what happened. I told you it was my fault. Would I admit something like that if it wasn’t the truth?

Max wants to know how you are going to make sure to keep him safe.

Max’s friend

 

Dear Author,

That’s not a chip on my shoulder. That’s a pile of scars from every time my dad hauled off and hit me for no reason at all.

Signed,
Cooper

 

 

Wednesday, July 29, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |9 Comments
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Letters to Characters

Dear Flyboy,
I wonder what a perfect day is like for you or would you even recognize it when you saw it? Are you so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you’ve forgotten what it is like to be happy? Can you tell me about one absolutely perfect day in your life?

Signed,
Author in search of happy days

Dear Plant Kid,
It is plants you’re obsessed with right and not bugs? Because I sense you going off to the buggy world a little bit too much. I know if you have plants you have bugs but can we just think of them as spices and not a main course?

Signed,
Author a little bit bug obsessed herself

Dear Max,
Even though you’ve been pushed to third or fourth on my list doesn’t mean I’m not still thinking about you, jotting down ideas as they come to me. But you know where I’m stumped. You have to tell me what really happened with your mother’s boyfriend and you have to quit lying to me about your sister.

Signed,
Author afraid of what you are going to tell her

Dear Cooper,
Welcome to the part of my world where I talk about you before you are totally real to me. I’m not sure where fall on my list behind Flyboy. We’ll just have to see how quickly you come to life. What I want to know about you first is where did you get that giant chip on your shoulder? I already know what you do about it but I want to go back to where it all began.

Signed,
Author who has no idea where you came from only what you did that started it all
 

Tuesday, July 28, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |4 Comments
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Characters write back

In response to the letters I wrote to characters yesterday, the characters have written back. Yesterday was one of those wonderful writing times when I started writing the letter to Flyboy and suddenly had several plots items fall nicely into place. It opened the door to a couple of great scenes and some nice potential conflict. I love it when my weird process works!

Dear Clueless Author,

Did you see the size of that dog? He was catching steel-belted tires in mid-air. There is no way I am going anywhere near that monster.

So you’re telling me that you can’t remember the dog my babysitter had when we lived in Iowa? The one the who grabbed hold of my ankle when I was on the swing and decided to use me as a pull-toy? If Wilson hadn’t come home when he did and turned the hose on that wolf I might have lost my foot. How is it that you can remember what altitude I’m supposed to be flying but you can’t remember something as important as me getting bit by a dog? Sometimes I wonder why you even want to tell my story.

Okay, maybe you need glasses. That would explain the dog thing. Did you take a look at Spencer? I mean, she had a tank top on so tight that she wasn’t leaving much to the imagination, if you know what I mean. I took one look at her . . .  well, at her and I decided that keeping the truck between her and a certain part of my anatomy was probably a good thing. I have no idea who Edna is but please don’t make her look anything like Spencer, will ya?

I don’t know what’s in the wallet because, as you might remember if your brain wasn’t fried from being old, I dropped the wallet when that security guard caught me and it’s still sitting under a plane at the airport. At least I hope that’s where it is.

Now you have to figure out how I can convince Spencer to take me back there so I can get the wallet before someone else finds it. And while you’re at it can you make sure Wilson isn’t too pissed off at me whenever I finally do get back home again?

Signed,
Flyboy
 

Dear Author,
You know those bugs you found? Well they’re important. Especially the one that creeps you out. If I were you I’d make sure to keep checking the yarrow for bugs and taking pictures. I’m not sure what I’m going to need them for but I’m pretty sure they’re important to my story.

Here’s the thing. Summer time, nice weather like you’re having now, well it might seem like the perfect time for working on my story but you’d be wrong. Not a time to be moving those native plants around. It’s too hot and there’s no water and everything’s in a state of rest. That’s okay. Underneath those 4 inches mulch there’s a lot happening. Worms are churning up the soil something fierce. Tap roots are finding their way deeper and deeper underground, looking for that water table. And all kinds of micro organisms are banding together like a family of their own to make the soil healthier than it was before. Stuff’s happening above ground too.  Seeds are ripening and then falling out of the flowers and onto the mulch where they’ll wait (if the birds don’t get ’em first) for the rains to come and start everything a’growing again.

So it’s okay to wait.

But yeah, there’s still a big old hole in the roof, almost as big as the one in my family. Nan, she waltzes in and out of our lives whenever she wants. Can’t seem to find a place to sink her roots and grow. Grammy, well she likes to pretend Nan’s okay but I know better.

Signed,
Plant Kid

Dear Writer Person,

I’m waiting with the gypsy lady until you have time for me. Can’t figure there’s any reason to speak up when I know you’re not going to listen. I’m used to being invisible. I like it when people don’t notice me. Less chances of getting hurt that way.

Signed,
Max’s friend

Tuesday, June 9, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |16 Comments
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Character letters

It’s been a while so I thought I would check in with each of my characters via letters.

As always, they surprise me.

Dear Flyboy,

How is it that I never knew you were afraid of dogs? When did that happen? I thought you and Zero were going to be the best of friends. And why won’t you get in the darn truck? Spencer is going to lose patience with you and that is not going to settle well with Edna. You need Spencer on your side or haven’t you figured that out yet?

Also, I really need to know what you found when you looked in the wallet. You did remember to pick the wallet up when you dropped it at the airport right? When the security guard was chasing you? Because if you don’t have it I don’t know who does and boy is that going to cause some problems.

Signed,
the author who only just this second realized you dropped the wallet. Whoa! Thank you for that plot development.

 

Dear Plant Kid,

I hear you talking to me every day and I’m really sorry I haven’t had time to sit with you lately. I agree that the time to be working on your book. I think of you when I pull weeds or collect seeds or take pictures of the various bugs I’m finding in the garden. And yes, now that I better understand the real theme in Flyboy’s story I understand that the two of you are completely different and have completely different stories to tell.

But one thing I still don’t understand about you…are you living with your sister or your grandmother or both? And is there still a hole in the roof?

Signed,
the author who thinks you have at least three different stories to tell her.

 

Dear Max,

Where did you go? I haven’t heard from you in a long time and I fear that Cooper has moved into your place in the WIP line. Janie might be there in front too. Along with the non-fiction projects. If you don’t speak up I fear you disappearing completely.

Signed,
Me

 

Monday, June 8, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |3 Comments
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characters write – from Flyboy

Flyboy has written back, in response to this letter.

Dear Author,

First of all, Spencer needs to mind her own business. I didn’t ask her to poke her nose into what is going on with me and Wilson and D. How am I supposed to feel when I come from THE WORST DAY IN MY LIFE EVER and Spencer perched on the side of the bed like a little bird spooning who knows what kind of elixir into D’s mouth and then laughing at Wilson’s jokes? Even Nurse Lemon has fallen under her spell. Well not me.

D doesn’t have to talk to make it clear how he feels about me. Plus he throws things at me. Pillows and books I can handle but the other day he threw a baseball at my head. How would that make YOU feel?

As for Wilson, maybe he could ask me how I feel once in a while?

I will not talk to you about the dog at all. AT ALL. Do you understand?

Signed,
Flyboy

Wednesday, February 18, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |6 Comments
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character letters

Dear Flyboy,

What makes you think D hates you? Pretty self-centered of you if you ask me. Did you ever think that maybe his world doesn’t revolve around you? Boggles the mind a bit, doesn’t it?

And Spencer was only trying to help. And you knew that. I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive you and honestly, I can’t say that I’d blame her if she doesn’t. And Edna is really going to be pissed about the whole thing when she finds out. Really, really pissed.

Oh and there there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be afraid of that dog. Have you seen the way he follows Spencer around like a lovesick fool hoping for her to touch him? Doesn’t that make him look the least bit cuddly?

Don’t even get me started about Wilson. You could cut him some slack you know. At least for now. Later I’ll understand if you don’t but right now I know more than you know so why not lighten up on him a bit?

Signed,
me

Monday, February 16, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , |2 Comments
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Friday Five – The Flyboy edition

So I am plodding along on grapemo courtesy of [info]onegrapeshy  and believe me, I do mean PLODDING. Argh. I know why this particular writing project is so painful but I don’t know why I was so insistent  to make it my current WIP. Oh, probably most marketable idea of the moment. Sigh. In any event, here are Five things about Flyboy.

1 – He just got put in jail, only for a few hours but still, jail.

2 – He is a total klutz around girls.

3 – He is afraid of dogs.

4 – He is getting really good at lying.

5 – He likes Spencer more than she thinks he does.

Friday, February 13, 2009|Categories: Random|Tags: , |4 Comments
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Characters write back

In response to yesterday’s letters to characters they, in return, have written back.

Dear Author,
There’s that saying about hiding in plain sight and how it makes it harder for people to find you. Do you think that’s true?

Letting people know what I am really feeling gives them power. Giving away your power is never a good thing. Trust me on that.

Signed,
Flyboy

 

Dear Author,
I’m a woman in a man’s world, of course I’m tough. But I’m a mom too. Don’t forget about that.

Signed,
Edna
 

Dear Author,
Have you ever done something and wished you could undo it? Have you ever had to wake up every single day of your life and sit across the breakfast table from someone who reminds you, just by his appearance about how much you screwed up?

Any guts I had rotted out years ago. You know that. I know I was an idiot many times over. I know he is going to find out the truth. And I know that everything is going to hit the proverbial fan when he does.

Signed,
Flyboy’s dad

Dear Author,
If you would give me a name I might tell you where I am. Until then you’re out of luck.

Signed,
Girl
 

Tuesday, January 20, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |6 Comments
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Letters to characters

Dear Flyboy,
While I know you think you are doing a good of hiding what you are really feeling I think someone is going to figure you out pretty soon. Boy are you going to ticked when you find out who it is.

Dear Edna,
Arrested? Really? You ARE tough,

Dear Flyboy’s dad,
I don’t know if are ballsy or just plain dumb. For Flyboy’s sake, I hope it’s the second one.

Dear Girl,
Where ARE you? Or did you decide I didn’t really need you after all?

Signed,
Author relying on index cards in order to tell this story

Monday, January 19, 2009|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , |6 Comments
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day 2

Day 2
337 words.

1 new log book entry.

An obsession with the Master Switch.

And 7 possible ways to begin the story.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008|Categories: Writing Process|Tags: , |0 Comments
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day 1

Tried to post this before bed last night but couldn’t get into LJ.

Flyboy, day 1.
943 words.

Not all new words. I had two beginnings in two different notebooks so I was merging them as I typed them into the computer. Much of the airplane research has left my brain so I have had to leave lots of spaces with notes (describe this) (needs more details) (etc)

But it is a start. A chapter. I don’t think I have a voice yet but I have questions.

12/15 is the deadline to get this into for critiques at our local conference. I haven’t signed up for a critique there in oh, 10 years. I’m hoping it will be the prod to keep me moving on.

We’ll see.

 

Wednesday, November 26, 2008|Categories: Writing Life|Tags: , |6 Comments
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characters write back

Dear Author,
I don’t know anything about a leather jacket but I did find a box. A box I don’t think I was supposed to find. And I am pissed off big time about what I found inside.

I’m not really sure what to do about it. It’s times like this I really wish I had a mom or a sister or someone that I could talk to about this stuff. I’m really sick and tired of people telling me to be grateful for what I’ve got because crap, there are a lot of things I don’t have or know that are more important to me than what I do. But I’m a kid and I’m not supposed to think like that. I’m supposed to suck it up and be happy I’m not in some foster home or living on the street or off in some foreign country with bombs going off all around me.

Well screw all that. I’m 16 years old and I’m self-centered spoiled brat.

Deal with it.

Signed,
Flyboy

 

Dear Author,
Mr. Mac gave me one of his mini lectures the other day. This one was on plants that go along for hundreds of years thinking they’re called one thing and then wham, they wake up in the morning and they’re called something else. Did you know they could do genetic testing on plants, like a DNA test they do on people to find out if they’re related? Anyway, Mr. Mac says while it might be nice to know which plant is related to another one it really doesn’t make any difference to the plant. It’s either gonna grow or not grow and calling it something different isn’t going to change a thing.

Signed,
Plant kid

Dear Author,
When I was a little kid, I mean really little, I used to think that going for a ride in the car was this great big adventure. Even if all my mom or dad was going to do was race down to the quick mart for diapers for my sister, I wanted to go. I was good at pretending we were heading for the moon instead.

I was pretty good at getting my way too. I had the cute face and the pouting face and the please don’t you know I’m the best kid in the entire world face down to a science. It was all in the timing. Ask too soon and the answer would still be no. Ask too early and my mom would tell me to quit being a goofball. But if I asked just right I had a pretty good chance of making one of them say yes.

Now I’ve just got one face. It’s just the here I am what do you want me to do now kind of face. Nothing special.

And I don’t ask anyone for anything anymore.

Signed,
Frankie

Thursday, May 8, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |4 Comments
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Letters to Characters

Dear Flyboy,
Find the leather jacket. That’s all I can tell you right now and you probably won’t like me very much when you do but trust me, you need to find the leather jacket.

Signed,
Author who knows the secret

Dear Plant kid,
That new project at school, the family tree. Sorry. I’d like to tell you that it will all work out just fine but honestly, I haven’t a clue.

Signed,
Author with questions of her own

Deat Frankie,
We are at an absolute stop. I mean it. A complete and utter stop until you fess up and tell me what happened to your sister. I mean what REALLY happened. Not what you keep telling everyone else.

Signed,
Author sitting in the dark

Tuesday, May 6, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , |4 Comments
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Characters talk back

Dear Author Who Should Have Known Better,
Remembering things I care about is easy. It’s all that other useless crap that’s hard. Tell me how diagramming sentences or conjugating French verbs is ever going to help me fly a plane? When I’m flying, I don’t much care how clean my room is or whether or not I made the bed. It doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters. Just flying.

About the dog. There’s always a dog.  Haven’t you figured that out yet? Madison, Zero, Max, Guster, Fuzzbucket and Baron. There’s probably more. But there’s always a dog.

Signed, 
Flyboy

Dear Needy Author,
I need lots of things. I need to know why my mom never talked about my siser but why she sent me here to live just before she died but I probably never will on account of the fact that my mom is dead now. I need to know all the things Mr. Mac knows about native plants but I probably never will on account of that thing that happened that started the whole story in the first place. I need to fit somewhere, anywhere. I’m tried of being told to "bloom wherever I’m planted" because planting something means setting down roots and roots tie you to something, someone and near as I can figure, I’m not tied to anything.

No roots makes it kind of hard to stand up for anything at all.

Signed, 
Plant kid

Dear Nosy Author,
The trouble with little sisters is they’re so darn cute all the time. Or they think they are. Or everyone around you thinks they are.  Do you have any idea how many times someone pushed me out of the way so they could get to her and go gaga over her stupid baby noises?  

Lots of times it’s the same thing with dogs. But different. Or maybe it’s me that’s different now. I won’t make the same mistake with Max that I made with my little sister.

Of course I probably won’t get the chance, either.

Signed, 
Frankie

Thursday, April 10, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
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Letters to characters

Dear Flyboy,
When did you get so smart?

Yes, writing about you will help me but what I am supposed to do when the siren goes off and there’s no one in the seat next to me to bring me out of the spin before I crash?

No, don’t answer that.

Instead, tell me how it is that you can remember what all those lights and dials and meters mean on the dashboard of an airplane, you can calculate things like the weight of fuel and passengers and and baggage how it effects lift-off and landings, you can plot a long cross-country flight that will take you an entire day and 3 fuel stops,  but you can’t remember to feed the dog?

Signed,
Author who didn’t even know you had a dog

Dear Plant Kid,
Your voice changed. You’re no longer the thoughtful, introspective kid I’ve been writing about and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I’m trying not to think about it but I can’t help it. I noticed it a little in the Teaser Tuesday post and now I am wondering if there’s a smart aleck trying to get out. Oh gosh I hope not. I can’t do smart aleck. Not for a whole book. And I don’t see a smart aleck as being the nature nurturing soul that I thought you were.

Maybe it will be different once you’ve finished composting.

If I work on your book I am saying that I trust myself enough to write a book that has no plot, no problem, no purpose with the hope that those needed pieces will appear by the time I reach the end. I don’t know if I trust you that much. I already know you don’t care. I already know that you don’t need me as much as I need you. And maybe that’s part of the problem. You don’t need me at all. Flyboy needs me. Frankie and Max need me. But, you’re so darn self-sufficient that you don’t need me or Mr. Mac or your sister or anyone. I don’t know how old you are but you’ve already got more control of your life than I can ever hope to find.

There are lots of things you don’t know but you don’t even care that you don’t know them.

Signed,
Author who needs to be needed

 

Dear Frankie,
At last, you have a NAME! I’m so happy. I’ve been wondering if it might be you but I’ve been a bit afraid of going back to your story. I mean, the stuff that happens to Max is bad enough but the stuff with your sister . . . <gulp> Even as backstory it’s not going to be pretty or fun. I’ve seen books written about the sort of thing that happened to your sister and I’ve seen books written about the sort of thing that happens to Max. How can I make it different?

Of course here is where I start to second guess myself. Maybe it is all going to be too icky and depressing and maybe people don’t want to read about that kind of stuff. Or not anymore. I can psych myself out by reading articles about too many depressing stories for kids today or why can’t there be any happy families in children’s books. The more I read those sorts of things the less I think anyone wants to hear about your story. And I can’t help but wonder if dark, hard hitting books with issues at the core, are they the kind of books that people reread again and again? I’m thinking maybe not.

I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it but you know we have to. Now is as good a time as any. Frankie, tell me about your sister.

Signed,
Author stocking up on tissues

Friday, April 4, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |7 Comments
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Letters to characters

Dear Author Who Isn’t Really Empty,
I know how you feel. I know, people say that all the time but really, I know just how you feel. I remember when my CFI had me try a stall for the first time. It was a good flying day, clear sky, no wind. The 152 was humming along. Okay, humming is too nice a word. Flying in the 152 is like being locked in a metal shed with a lawnmower going full blast. But that’s okay. I liked the noise. I liked that I had to concentrate on the voice in the headset for any directions from my CFI in the seat next to me. I liked feeling the power of plane vibrate all around me. With my hands on the yoke and my feet on the rudders I could feel the airplane hum up from my fingertips and down to my toes. It made my whole body come alive. It made me FEEL alive. 

Stall practice was the only time I’ve been flying that I felt like I might need a barf bag. 

First we were drifting then all at once the stall horn blared and the right wing dropped. I thought for sure we were going to go into a spin and I was praying my CFI would be able to yank us out of it before we crashed. 

Maybe you think my CFI was crazy to have me do something that sounds so dangerous but the way he explained it to me made sense. He said you do stalls in practice so you can avoid them in real life. 

So maybe writing my story is like stall practice for you. 

What do you think?

Signed,
Flyboy

Dear Author With Too Many Ideas,

No problem, I understand. I’m composting right now. 

Signed,
Plant kid

Dear Author Putting 2 + 2 Together, 

The answer is yes.
But please don’t ask me to talk about my sister yet. I’m not ready.

Signed,
Frankie

Monday, March 31, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |6 Comments
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Character letters

Dear Flyboy,

You made me cry. I was okay until I got to the last couple of lines of your letter where you said:

I need you.
Isn’t that enough?

And suddenly I was sitting at my desk bawling like a little kid. Do you know how many people I’ve said that to in my life? Do you know how many of them never said "yes?" Maybe it’s all this therapy I’m doing lately or maybe I’m just finally peeling away enough of the layers of myself that I can see you there, waiting for me to find you. It’s going to be so hard to write your story because yes, you are me.

You are the me that never knew my father and was always afraid to ask anyone any questions about him. You are the me that is filled with hundreds of questions about why I do the things I do and wondering if anyone else ever felt the same way I feel right this moment. You are the me that questions who makes us what we are, heredity or environment or some combination of the two. You are the me that doesn’t laugh out loud and is always afraid of looking silly in front of other people. You are the me that is sure I am the only one in the entire history of the universe who ever did something wrong and can’t forgive themselves for it.

To write your story means to lay myself wide open to feeling everything you feel.  It means actually allowing myself to FEEL. Do you know how many years I have spent not feeling things? Sigh. I suppose you do. Your story is going to rip me up in a lot of ways and what if I can’t put myself back together again? You will turn me inside out and then everyone will be able to see who I really am and then, well, and then they might all turn away.

If I put myself out there for you like that and then your story falls apart, I don’t know if I can handle it.

But I think the hardest thing about your story, the very hardest thing about writing your story, is that by the end of the book you are going to understand where you came from and what made you the person you are today. You are going to get answers to all those questions you jot down in that notebook you hide in your flight bag. You, Flyboy, are going to get to know all about your dad.

And me, I never will.

Signed,
Author with a hole in her heart

 

Dear Plant Kid,

I love writing about you and I love sharing plant knowledge but I really really need to know what you want. I have no title for your story, no names for most of the people in your story, no idea what your story is about and absolutely no idea what the point of the whole story is.

What do you want more than anything else in the world? Why can’t you have it? What’s getting in your way? What would happen if you got your deepest wish?

All the roses and oranges and friends and favors you do for Mr. Mac don’t amount to a hill of beans if you can’t make me want something for you.

Signed,
Author moving you to the bottom of the list, for now

 

Dear Lost boy,
I understand. Really I do. I want to remind that I did share the beginning of YOUR story in my Teaser Tuesday. I haven’t done that for anyone else yet. I think you and Flyboy are neck and neck. I know more about his story than I do yours but I know more about yours than I do Plant kid’s story.

There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about with you. There’s this kid who used to talk to me. His name was Frankie. Frankie grabbed me by the throat when I was driving one day and wanted to tell me about some terrible things. He had a sister. A sister with a secret. I saw Frankie’s house and I saw where his mom worked and I saw a bunch of not-so-pretty things in Frankie’s life. The last time I saw Frankie he was running, fast, away from something or someone. He hasn’t spoken to me for over a year. Maybe longer.

Now I can’t help but wonder, are you Frankie?

Signed,
Author who needs to read through her old notebooks
 

Thursday, March 27, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |15 Comments
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Letters to characters

Dear Author Who Can’t Make Up Her Mind,
I’m going to tell you some things you already know and if it sounds like it’s coming from you and not from me, remember how much of yourself you have poured into me.

I am you. I am the insecure, can’t make his mind, why doesn’t anyone love me you. I am the you who doesn’t understand you are afraid to let people know how you feel, why you worry so much about what they will see in you and why you put up a wall that keep people at a distance. I am the you who can’t sleep because of worrying all the time. I am the you who wants a family and doesn’t feel like they deserve it.

Keep that in mind when it comes to telling my story. Trust yourself.

I need you to tell the truth about me because I’m too afraid to do it for myself. I need you to explain to people how I really feel about what my mother did and what I really remember about my dad. I need you to find a way to support me so that people don’t freak out when they hear the whole story.

I need you.

Isn’t that enough?

Signed,
Flyboy

Dear Insecure Author,
My sister? You know I think I remember my mom talking about a sister. They had a fight about something a long time ago, right after I was born and she went away and I stayed behind. I bet she wasn’t so thrilled to see me show up on her doorstep after mom died, was she?

I do like the attic bedroom. I like being able to open the window and reach right out and pluck an orange off the tree. I like the way the mourning doves gather on the roof of the garage and peck around at the scraps of bread I throw out for them. I’m not so crazy about the way the stairs go straight up and the railing is a little wobbly. I’m afraid I’m going to fall and land at the bottom of the stairs on that metal grate for the furnace.

I’m mostly okay just hanging out with Mr. Mac and learning from him but I’m thinking me and my sister don’t have a lot to say (except for when she’s yelling at me.) I could use a friend my own age. Think you could work on that for me? There’s this one kid at school, Benny, who seems okay. We worked together on the science project and he didn’t think my worms were stupid at all. There’s Alison too, but she’s a girl and I don’t want her to think I like her special like. Besides, her dad is the one with all those fancy roses so maybe I better not have much to do with her.

Signed,
Plant kid

Dear Person Who Keeps Ignoring Me Even Though Everyone Says You Should Be Writing About Me First, 

I am not talking to you anymore.
Not at all.
No.

I am not even going to tell you about what happened when I went to see Max.

Signed,
Lost boy 

 

Monday, March 24, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |4 Comments
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Character letters

Dear Flyboy,
Remember that grandfather you had that I said was the reason you were moving and then I killed him because everyone convinced me there were too many people in the book? Remember him?

Well I don’t think he’s dead.

Signed,
Author returning to her original idea

Dear Plant kid,
You’re right and I’m wrong. There, does that make you feel better? I hate it when I give my power away and that’s exactly what I did. I am a social writer and I love LOVE LOVE talking about my books before they are actually books. I love to brainstorm and bounce things off of trusted friends. But the one thing I forget is that ideas are fragile and I need feedback that comes from a loving place.

I think part of the problem is that I don’t have anyone to talk to about your book or any of the other books I am working on. I’ve lost my brainstorming partners so except for talking to you here, there’s really no one else who wants to listen to me try on plots for size or help me figure out the motivation behind a certain character’s actions.

I know writing is a lonely business but I need to talk to some people about you sometimes, someone other than you. You should know that I have been thinking about you lately and where you live. I think it’s your sister, a sister you hadn’t seen in a long time for some reason. And the house looks a lot like the one I grew up in. How do you feel about an attic bedroom?

Signed,
Author grateful for second chances

Dear lost boy,
I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s all my fault so go ahead and rant at me if you want.  All things considered, when you think about what went on that night on the OTHER side of the door, maybe being wet and cold and hungry was better after all?

What do you think?

Signed,
Author who hates hurting characters she loves

Wednesday, March 19, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |13 Comments
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Characters talk back

Dear Author,
If I’m made up of pieces of you (looking for that reader connection you love to talk about so much) is it any wonder that I’m a serious kid? How much time did you spend when you were my age laughing and having fun and how much time did you spend in your room worrying about things you couldn’t change? If you don’t like what you see in me maybe you better quit using me as a mirror.

I can’t remember the first time I went flying. Or the second or the third or many times after that. My dad, my NOW dad, told me that my real dad used to strap my carseat in the seat of the big P and take me just about everywhere with him, except for when he was filming. I think I remember flying somewhere for Christmas. I wanted to go to the North Pole and see Santa Claus and we went somewhere where the snow was piled up high on each side of the runway and there was barely enough room for the big P to touch down without jamming a wing into a snowdrift. We never found Santa but I remember drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows in some old shack while we waited for the weather to clear and listening to my dad play hangar trivia with his friends.

How does flying make me feel? How does writing make YOU feel? Flying makes me feel like I am alive and free and capable of doing almost anything, of being almost anything, even a good kid.

Signed,
Flyboy

 

Dear Author Who Let Someone Intimidate Her Away From My Story,
You tell me to find my own way and when I do, you get mad. You shouldn’t talk about me. Not yet. You’re not ready. That much is obvious. Yes, plants are boring to some people. There’s so much that takes place underground and now you’ve let someone convince you that you don’t have the skills to bring my story to the surface.

Maybe I was wrong to trust you with it.

But here’s the thing, Mr. Mac says that sometimes we have to give people second and third chances. Sometimes even more chances than that because if you do that enough, well people will surprise you. But you have to believe they’re going to surprise you. If you don’t believe then it doesn’t matter if you tell my story or not.

Signed,
Plant kid

 

Dear Author,
Today was a good day and then a bad day and then a really, really bad day.

I went to see my dad and told him all about Max and everything that’s been going on. Then I went to see the gypsy lady but I got lost and ended up on the east side after dark. This big kid chased me for the longest time, I guess he thought I had some money (ha!) but I finally lost him. When I got home my mom had locked the front door and wouldn’t let me so I spent the night on the front porch. No dinner, of course.

Signed,
Kid who still has no name

PS – it was raining.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |4 Comments
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Character letters

(Yes, I do plan to return to normal blogging sometime soon but right now this is all I can manage.)

Dear Flyboy,
Okay, yes, I suppose I knew exactly what you were going to do when I gave you the chance and I can’t blame you for that. I just know you’ll pay for it later and I worry about you. You are much too serious for your own good. You’re a kid, not an old man.

Tell me something new. Tell me about your first time – your very, very first time. And no, not THAT first time. Contrary to what you might think I’m really not that interested in your sex life or lack of one. (Personally I could write the entire book and never once think about your hormones and what they may or may not be doing but I don’t think that would be realistic considering the fact that you’re a teenage boy.) What I mean is, tell me about your first memory of flying and how it made you feel.

Signed,
Author trying to remember her first time

Dear Plant Kid,
Sorry about the sarcasm but really, I had no idea you were going to do that so I was surprised at the way everything unfolded. As the author though, I have to admit to being secretly delighted that there is already so much conflict going on. It bodes well for the future of the book.

There’s going to be a HUGE fight over it, you know that, don’t you? And I don’t mean between you and MM. The town, especially that one neighbor, is going to fight it. You could make it an environmental issue but really, I think that’s been done enough times already and never in a spectacular fashion so it would be hard for me to interest
an editor in it from that angle. You need to find your own way.

Fate versus dreamers, an interesting concept. I always thought you were on the side of fate, at least until the recent events. Interesting how quickly you’ve switched to the other side. Does he really have that much influence over you? Why is that? What do you get from him that you don’t get from anywhere else?

You asked who you are living with and I have to tell you that right now, I’m not sure either. I think it may be your aunt. Maybe. I know you just moved there and the town is new to you.

What’s it like for you at school? Do you have any friends? Are you a good student? Tell me something that will surprise me about you.

Signed,
Author who still doesn’t know what you really want

Dear Friend of Max,
Attacking me is NOT going to get your story written. Do you think you are the only one in the world to go through hard times? If so, you are sadly mistaken. The world is not always a pretty place. Life is not easy and it is never, ever fair. Ever.

I’m sorry about the monster. We all have them in some degree or another. Some people have monsters they can see and other people have monsters who live inside them. Everyone gets broken. It’s how you pick yourself up and put yourself back together again that decides how you will live your life.

You dad sounds like a great guy. I’m sorry he’s not in the book but you can go visit him whenever you want.

You were afraid of Max? Really? That made me laugh too! I just remembered about Max and pickles. There’s another story there, I’m sure. Can you tell more more about it?

Signed,
Author reading up on the legalities around your situation

Friday, March 14, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |6 Comments
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Characters talk back

Dear Author Who Thinks She’s So Smart,

What did you think I was going to do when you put the opportunity right in front of me like that? 

Signed,
Flyboy, grounded for the moment

 

Dear Author Whose Doing a Pretty Good Job Bringing Me to Life,
 
Mr. Mac explained to me how sometimes people do things without thinking and then later, it turns out that they meant to do it all along. But it was their subconcious that got things started. I don’t know if that’s true for me because I didn’t even know Mr. Mac until I, well, until that first day when I just went ahead and did what someone paid me to do and then you know how THAT all turned out. I guess I could have said no but it didn’t look like it would be that big of a deal. And I needed the money.

Maybe I knew something was going to happen. Sort of like the way dogs can tell an earthquake is coming only they can’t tell the humans around them. So the dog starts acting all scared or goofy or something and the human hasn’t got a clue as to what’s going on. Maybe it was like that.

Or maybe it was just fate but Mr. Mac says believing in fate is for lazy folks who are afraid to dream.

Signed,
Plant Kid

PS – You think maybe you could tell me where I’m living because I see someone in the house with me but I sure as heck don’t know who she is.

PPS – Sarcasm isn’t going to change anything

 
 

Dear Author Who is just  a big old Chicken you-know-what,

Yes, some people are going to be mad at you when you write my story but does that mean it shouldn’t be written? Are you one of those people who just walks by the homeless people and wish they didn’t exisit? Do you sit in your fancy house and push the remote control button every time you see a picture of a starving kid come up on the screen.

I’ve got news for you – pretending like something doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Believe me, I’ve tried. Every night before I can fall asleep I pretend there isn’t a monster in the house but every morning I wake up, he’s still there.

My dad is the one who brought me and Max together for the first time. My real dad. Not that loser of a guy who convinced my mom to marry him just so he could get her money. I was scared of Max at first. He was pretty scary looking. Still is, only not to me anymore. That first time I met Max all I could think was how much I didn’t want to tick him off because I knew it would be real messy in a hurry and that most of the mess would be me.

My dad thought me and Max needed each other. That made me laugh so hard that it made my dad laugh hard, hard enough to bring a crowd of people around us (we were sitting on the front porch) and pretty soon the whole neighborhood was laughing right along with us and me and Max, we were on our way to being best friends.

Signed,
Kid who misses his dad

Wednesday, March 12, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |8 Comments
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Letters to characters

Dear Flyboy,
Did you really think he wouldn’t find out? Did you really think you wouldn’t be punished? Really?

Author who thought you were smarter than that   

Dear Plant Kid,
Nice entrance. How long do you think it will be before he starts speaking to you again?

And yes, I realize that you now have two, possibly three names, and that I am calling you by all of them at various times. I still like the first name best but there are several books already out with that character’s name as the title so it simply won’t work. If you don’t like my choices, why don’t you come up with something of your own?

Author with rocks in her head

 

Dear Friend of Max,
Tell me about the very first day you met Max, please. There is so much I don’t understand.

Author who knows this story will make some people mad

Tuesday, March 11, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |5 Comments
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Characters talking back (and one of them is very wise)

Dear Author,
Isn’t it enough that you’re poking around in the thoughts in my head, now you want to know about the thoughts I have in my bedroom (which I might remind you is supposed to be a private place, as is the shower). No. Absolutely not. Girls are trouble. They mess with your head and play games and I don’t have time for that.  And you do remember my mother don’t you? And what she did? With my luck any girl I meet will be just like my mother, ripping anything I love right out of my life and I don’t think I could handle that. Back off, will ya?
Flyboy

Dear Author Who is Trying to Blame the Lack of Plot on Me,
I don’t know much about a lot of things, especially writing books, but here’s something Mr. Mac told me before he died. You’ve got to believe in things you can’t see before you see things you won’t believe. He was talking about gardening but I’m thinking it might work for telling stories too.

Here’s the thing about gardening. You plant the seeds, water them sometimes, ignore them othertimes (especially if they’re native plants) and then you wait. And while you’re waiting, there’s a whole lot of something going on under the ground, deep down in the dirt. Seeds are opening and roots are unfurling, stretching down deep toward the water table. Earthworms are churning the soil and tons little bugs and mites and tiny things we can’t see are doing just what nature intends them to do. But up top all you can see is dirt. Piles and piles of dirt and not a stick of nothing growing in it nowhere. It’d be easy to give up then and just roll out some plastic grass and call it a day. But if you’re the believing type, you just wait. And then you wait some more. And then one day you walk out and you see a lot of those seeds you plant have pushed their way up through the dirt just looking for the sunshine and blue sky. Some of them still wearing bits of the seed hull on their hat like a lopsided hat. And just like that, you have a garden.

So I’m thinking maybe plot is like that – there could be a whole lot of something going on under the surface of my story, you just need to plant the seeds.

Plant kid

 

Dear Author Ignoring My Story,
I gave you the first line of the book last night. It led you right to the first scene, with me and Max and meeting the gypsy lady for the first time. I know you remember it because I heard you repeating it before you went to sleep last night and in the shower AND on the way to work.

I’ll visit Max as soon as you give ME a name and commit to my story.

Lost boy

Wednesday, March 5, 2008|Categories: Letters to Characters|Tags: , , , , |15 Comments
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