how to be kind to her,
so while my mother’s belly grew round with me
she left, determined
to build a safe and loving home
he would come
where she would never
she did what she thought best,
to keep me
free from harm.
One year and a day
that’s how long
she had to wait
to terminate his rights
to see me.
I never knew.
@copyright Susan Taylor Brown 2010
All Rights Reserved
Your Mother must have really loved you to do what she did. She knew better than anyone what life would have been like for you if she stayed. I can tell you it is not much fun the other way when your mother and father pretend to love each other when everyday you know it is false.
When you grow up knowing your father is having an affair right under your mothers nose but she refuses to acknowledge that even when you tell her.
My Father left when I was 26 and just about to get married myself. I should have taken that as an omen. Anyway my life always felt like I was living in a lie and I was and it never got any better and I am still waiting for my life to get better to this day and the sad thing is I don’t know if it ever will even though I try really hard.
Some things just have an everlasting effect on you no matter what you do.
– Anne McKenna
That last line. What a huge secret.
Ack – I could have sworn I was keeping up with my responses here but obviously not. Thank you. I only found that out recently.
I love how you’re meticulously examining all facets of this relationship. How brave and strong your mom was!
Thank you, Jama. I have to dig deeply into what little I know with the hope that it will help me remember something else. I think I am only now recognizing how strong my mom was.
The tone of these poems is changing, I think. They aren’t quite so raw. This one adds the new perspective of your mom’s struggle. Fascinating to watch you work through this!
Eeek – not as raw, that’s not good.
I think part of the problem is that I am healing as I write so I’m not feeling the depth of the pain as when I started. It’s still there, but it’s cushioned a bit. I need to peel back some more skin. And some stuff has happened (that I’ll be revealing soon) that I had worried about having an impact on this project and I fear it has. And on top of all that, I am running out of memories. 🙂
I’m inspired by the honesty in your poetry. Absolutely beautiful.
I am touched by your comments. Thank you.
I agree that the last line is particularly powerful, and this poem adds a new perspective to the group as a whole. I wondered how old you were when you learned this secret, and how it changed you, and whether that changed the relationship with your mother, too (knowing that she did this to protect you). There is so much to this poem; it’s one of my favorites from the ones you’ve written so far.
Thank you, Jeni. I only found this out recently. I never knew it as a child. It has altered how I look at some things.
Wow – that’s a brave thing she did for you.
A beautiful unremembered thing.
Re: tanita says:
Wasn’t it just?