Hemingway said, and I can’t remember the exact quote so I’ll try to paraphrase it, he said that he couldn’t write about Paris when he lived there. He had to leave Paris before he could put the words on the page that would describe his experiences. While living there it was too much, too intense, too something and it skewed his vision. He needed distance and the passage of time before he could tell his story.
Some stories, while not easy, can still be written while you are in the midst of living them. When my kids were little I wrote about events within weeks or months of them happening. It was fun, like putting things in their baby scrapbooks. I recorded their awkward moments, their growth, and many of our special family memories. I told stories about our family and I got paid for it. Now I can go back and reread those old articles and it’s like picking up an old teddy bear and paging through a scrapbook of their childhood.
But other stories, perhaps those that touch the most painful parts of us, lay fallow for many years before the words begin to venture forth. I believe our emotions go into self-preservation mode and give us time to heal before we’re strong enough to attempt share a piece of ourselves through the telling of a story. My first picture book, Can I Pray With My Eyes Open? rested deep beneath the surface for over 25 years before it burst forth, near fully formed in one sitting. I can tie that story to an exact moment in time, when I was 10 years old, and I know that the book was an answer to a question asked long ago. Hugging the Rock is a novel about fathers and daughters, but more than that, it is about making peace with things you cannot change. I never knew my father and I wondered about him for many years. I can’t remember when I finally stopped searching but when I did, I realized that my own story was inching closer to the surface, closer to being ready to be heard. Hugging the Rock is also about picking up the pieces after a divorce. Though many friends advised me to, I couldn’t write about my own divorce in the years immediately after it happened. The pain was too immense, the emotions too raw. But time was a helpful balm. Eventually my emotions bubbled to the surface telling me when it was time to write the story. In the process of the writing there were still some deep and painful moments but because I had waited, I was strong enough to go to the dark places and still come out alive. Enough time had passed that I could accept the blame for what was mine and let go of the blame for anything else. I could see the details through the tears.
There are other childhood events I want to write about someday but they’re still simmering and I’m still healing. Those stories will have to wait a bit longer. It’s been over 8 years but I know I am not yet ready to write about my time in New Orleans. I don’t know how long it will take before I am brave enough to face those demons head on. Not all my writing is tied to a piece of my past but I am making an effort to mine the treasures I have within because I do believe that’s where the juiciest stories wait to be told.
What does all this have to do with my current project? Everything and nothing The new project, the old project which I have returned to doesn’t really touch on a truth from my own life. I don’t fly planes, I’m not adopted, and my dad wasn’t famous. But I know what it’s like for the main character to obsess about planes the way I obsess about writing. I know what it’s like to wonder where you came from and how that might affect where you’re going. I know what it’s like to feel lonely even in the midst of a family.
When you’ve been working on a book for over 15 years, like I have with VZ, the story becomes so wrapped up in your own life that sometimes it’s hard to remember what happened to me and what happened to DC. Was it DC or was it me that found the box that held so many secrets? Was it DC or was it me that met someone who knew their father and answered questions held silent for so long? Was it DC or was it me that finally realized the true meaning of family?
I hope it is both. I hope I can tell that kind of a story, one that feels like it happened to you.
I hope 15 years of running is long enough.
I really liked this post, Susan. I wish I had something more clever to contribute, but I don’t.
Thank you, and hey, being read is a contribution I value very much.
Wow. A lot of food for thought here. It’s fascinating how our own experiences colour our writing. And you’re right: some things have to lie fallow, for a while, maybe for a long time, before they become seeds for a story. A story I started last year, and now need to pick up the threads again because it was interrupted, is one of those stories for me. Maybe my subconscious broke in with a different story because it needs to lie fallow for a little longer.
I’m constantly amazed at when I really and truly think I am NOT writing about my experiences, they STILL show up in my writing. Which I guess is really a good thing. I can’t (and don’t want) to separate my writing self from any other part of me.
Natalie Goldberg calls it composting our thoughts and experiences. We need to continually plow them under, add new garbage, and know that in time, good things will grow.
Wow, what a great post! I know it’s soooo hard to get that distance and write what’s too close. I started a project that I knew was really close and ended up finishing it – for me. It was something I didn’t think I’d ever sell. But I did. It’s not autobiographical in the least, but there are pieces of me in there, more so than any other work. I think there are pieces of me in other works too; this one’s just different for me. Oddly enough, this book was the one I had the easiest time selling. I think sometimes that honesty really resonates with people. Sometimes too much distance might not make the piece as immediate/attainable, no? Just you telling me that you need more distance makes me want to read it. I love work that makes me feel something. I’m always looking for reads that evoke the deepest emotions. Best of luck!
Thanks, Laurie! I’ve got a couple of short stories like that, that I had to finish for me but I doubt I will ever publish. Some questions I only need to answer for myself. I agree that honesty really resonates with people. Hugging the Rock had a long haul and many, MANY revisions before it sold but the one thing that just about every editor commented on was the honesty. I still needed a plot but the voice was honest. I wish it wasn’t so hard to get to that place with the rest of my writing but I guess each story, each process, helps peel away the protective coating that keeps me from telling the truth.
great post.
I find that sometimes a story works on memories that feel important at the time. I started a story with a sort of memory situation. At least, having my mc work through a similar situation that I had to figure out. But by not finishing it, I lost the momentum. I took too long and had moved on to newer/different issues in my life. Sometimes, it is important to wait for the right time, but also important to write it at that moment and not let it stretch out forever.
Thanks, Diane, and yes, it’s all in the timing. Sometimes you just have to mine the vein as far as it will go until you are a sobbing mass of emotion. And sometimes you wait.
Sometimes I also find that I really didn’t need to write the whole thing, I just needed to admit it to myself.
Just wanted to add my thanks for this great post. I think you and Hemingway are right.
Thanks, Dot! I find our writing minds so very interesting.
I’ve also noticed in my own experience that places are difficult to write about when I’m still there. I often set my stories in places I’ve left behind in my past. I think setting and characters require perspective as you suggest. I wrote something similar today in my blog — not about running exactly but wondering about what stories I’m afraid to tell.
Thanks for an interesting post. It certainly gave me something to think about while I was blogging today.
Being brave enough to write the truth is one of my favorite topics for writing and teaching. I think it’s because it taps into what I most need to learn.
Gonna pop over to your blog and see what you had to say about it.
i can relate to this!
good luck with it