Today I used the poem Metaphor by Eve Merriam as my model. I am finding this a really interesting exercise though finding the mentor poems is more difficult than I originally imagined.
Here’s my rough draft.
Metaphor
Evening is
a photograph
of how you spent your day.
Focus on the moments
large and small
you want to remember
blur the rest.
Capture colors.
Distort.
Sharpen.
Adjust.
Each day
becomes a masterpiece.
Susan Taylor Brown
Very nice work – and what a great exercise you’ve got going on!
Thanks, Kelly. It’s a lot more work than I really thought about for an end-of-the-day rough out a new poem but I seem to find it hard to take the easy way toward things. š I’m having fun.
Hello Susan. I have been enjoying your April series very much. Each day brings two poems in one, the original and your wonderful rewrite. The Donald Hall poem is one I had shared with my Mom, and she with her sisters. The line about children tossing away things really struck home.
Today’s poem is particularly beautiful. I love how you changed the time of day from the original and made it your own. My favorite verse is the second one. “Blur the rest” – brilliant.
Thanks so much, ellie. I always appreciate your support. I might have bitten off more than I can chew this month trying to find poems that aren’t super long or in a form since I’m doing these at the end of the day, just before bed and my brain is fried. š I keep thinking I’ll get ahead of the game but not yet.
Still, anything I do is progress. I had fun with this one. I hope you are still finding pockets of time to write yourself.
Sadness is
An ache in my heart
That won’t go away
Until I find
Happiness
Love
Laughter
All these evade me
There is only one thing
Left to do
Cast aside the shadows
Search until I find
Then my heart will bloom
Be gone sadness
There is no more room
– Anne McKenna
Another nice one, Anne. You’re getting your writing chops back again.
Late to this post, Susan, but wanted to tell you that I’ve used this Merriam poem often on the first day of school with my students, inviting them to use the first line, then craft their own words. I love that you changed the time, and it gives me another idea for the poem. Thanks for doing this work-much fun to see, & the comments too!
Thanks for the kind words Linda. And I love that I inspired you to do a twist of your own!
This is a great poem for the classroom. Actually it would be a great daily exercise. Beth Kephart says she creates 5 new metaphors a day. I tried for a while but couldn’t keep up with it.
Wow, I never thought to use it daily. Hm-m, maybe at the first of the week to begin. You’ve got me thinking now!
Linda, you might like short interview with Beth.
http://beth-kephart.blogspot.com/p/faq.html