I really don’t know how to write a book. This is insane. How did I ever tell a story from point A to point B before? And now the name I had for my main character, the name that was so perfect when he was a she, well I’m not so sure that it’s the right name anymore. And the other kid. The little kid next door. That name is wrong too. Well if I can’t even get the names right, how can I get the story right? And the beginning? Don’t even get me started about how the book begins. I had a great poem. A wonderful poem that asked questions and encouraged you to turn the page BUT, and this is sort of important, I really don’t think the poem is written by the main character. In fact, I highly doubt that it belongs in this book at all. Sigh.
So I tried starting with the day that is different like I did with Hugging the Rock but it doesn’t work either. The day that is different simply hangs there like a piece of modern art hung on a wall in the outhouse. So I’m writing backstory poems except I don’t know for sure that they are backstory because it is good stuff all about the relationship between the two boys which leads to the horrible thing but I never set out to write a relationship about the two boys. But wait, you say, doesn’t that mean that the characters are taking over the store and isn’t that good? Not really. Without the bones of some kind of plot to hang the whole thing on these guys will just keep on talking and talking and nothing will ever really happen. I wish I could remember how much of the story I knew when I started HTR. I simply don’t know. And that book was written at a really bad time in my life when everything around me was turning upside down. I was in constant physical and emotional pain and not just from the writing but from simply trying to live.
What if I’m one of those writers who can only write when there life is FUBARed to the Nth degree? Please no. I don’t want to go through that sort of thing ever again.
Yes I know to keep on keeping on but sometimes you need to stop to smell the flowers and sometimes when you do, you get stung by a bee. End of rant. Back to work.
Oh no!
Oh, no! Now you’re starting to sound like me :-0
I hope it gets better….FAST!
Re: Oh no!
Me too!
Sometimes this creating thing just STINKS! Good luck.
It sure does. It’s weird though, no amount of stinky stuff seems to stop me from wanting to keep on doing it. 🙂
Sometimes this creating thing just STINKS! Good luck.
Heheheh. It’s kind of neat the way the same insecurities come back again and again. At least we’re consistent.
You laugh at my pain? ;-> Yeah, it’s neat, sorta like walking on broken glass, right?
But yes, consistency is good. I know that I will always go slightly insane at the beginning of a new book project. My poor husband.
Dear Susan,
You might want to check out your user page! Look at all those lovely books!
and what is that? the faculty of highlights?
You are a talented writer, and teacher. Maybe you just forgot.
Laura
Dear Laura,
Thank you for being a friend.
I do forget a lot…especially when I’m in the midst of crazymaking like this. I appreciate the reminder.
Ah, discovery!
It is painful, and when in it, it is hard to see that it will all be ok. Birthing this baby will be different than HTR. Maybe the early stages will be harder, but the end will fly. Maybe the char names don’t fit, and new ones will come. Maybe those minor char really do want to be major. Maybe it is their story. Just keep writing! Just keep ranting!
Re: Ah, discovery!
Thanks for the positive vibes. Here’s hoping.
Sometimes ranting helps to get things going. Sometimes the challenge of telling yourself you CAN’T do it, pisses you off enough that you end up DOING it.
Anyway, rant away! We’re here for ya! 🙂
Yes…I’ve often been one to rise to the challenge when someone says I can’t do something. Last night I gave myself permission to swear in the rough draft stage writing. It was weirdly freeing. I often swear when writing but usually my 12-year-old characters don’t.
That’s cool!
(When did you do the flowers background? niiice! 🙂
Right now, I’m writing a YA with some swear words in it. I told my critique group that I’m leaving them in unless my agent tells me otherwise. What’s your opinion?
Thanks, Susan! 🙂
I did the flowers a few weeks ago. It’s to tide me over while I learn how to code all the new stuff I want for this blog.
While you’re writing the YA, leave them in. When you revise, you might decide that you can take some out. Or yes, your agent might tell you to. But don’t worry about it at this stage of the game.
Good. 🙂 I’m mostly leaving the swearing for the especially terrible characters. Hee, hee!
Thanks, Susan! 🙂
You’re doing the icky work and the story is stirring in those deep places in your mind/psyche. Let it. The work you are doing now is helping the story find itself. It will sort through your life and find what is part of the story and what can be left comfortably untouched. The story will find itself. It will. You will.
Stop every once in a while and enjoy the life around you before you dive back in. I do think sometimes we can’t write about the darkest places while we live there. And when we are protected by light places, there is the temptation to not go back and find the heart of the pain. But it is those stories by others who have been through it that we need to read while we are in it. So someone has to go back into the dark and write them for the kids who are in them.
You’re very right. I couldn’t write HTR when I was in the midst of my own divorce. I had to wait until the pain receded to a point that I could bear to revisit it. And that’s what I’m trying to do here, again, revisit a painful place. Thanks for the support.
Just for today
Let the characters do and say what they want. Take it in, write it down. And I’m guessing that if you do, and after it sits for a day or two, something like a pattern will emerge. And you’ll find what it is that you need to move ahead. And you’ll be brilliant.
Because, if memory serves, that is how YOU write a book.
Re: Just for today
Thanks, Kelly. I’m doing just that. Letting them ramble and rant and swear. Killed off the mom, which took me by surprise. I’m just trying to let myself build up a bunch of words and then, as you said, let it settle and hope a pattern emerges.
How goes your own new project?
Re: Just for today
Ack. And ick. And ugh.
But it will all turn out right in the end. It always does.
Re: Just for today
Wish I felt as confident. 🙂
What– you forgot that any good story begins with the whining section? That lengthy piece before the prologue that you peel away along with the brown paper wrapping to get at the good stuff inside??
Whine away, girl! Have at it!
And when you’redone, let us know how that story’s shaping up!
Yes, that’s it. I forgot that all stories start with whining. Much better now. (not really but am trying to fake it.)
I understand… like I said… the whining section is long!!!
:o)
Busily procrastinating, over here.
Trying to convince myself that I really should write a few chapters on my midgrade instead of gooding off on some fairytale illos for the portfolio…
Hang in there and vent whenever you need to. I think our writing muscles are the ones that hurt the most when worked. Unfortunately, they have a direct link to our emotions!
Boy, ain’t it the truth. I’m sure there will be much more venting ahead.
Youch – don’t want to think of a FUBARed life as being a requirement for creativity. Can’t be true! Sounds more to me like you’ve gotten to the “ick” stage in the story, where you know what you want mostly, have all ready written a bunch, things are messed up and you can see the gap between what you have and what you want. The more I write and talk to writers, the more I think there needs to be a writing seminar on the “ick” stage.
Hope you can still smell the flowers, even if the bee stung your nose. 😀
Me either. (on the FUBARed life) Yes…I do believe you are right. I am at the ick stage. Hmm, I could postpone writing some more for a while and work on a proposal for dealing with the ick factor in our writing. Oh, except for the fact that I don’t appear to be dealing with it very well at all.
It was nicer, in some ways, before I knew what went into good writing. Ignorance being bliss and all that sort of thing.
Sending you some Asilomar magic xo
Thanks!
You must have written this post before the gushing info from Jenn.
See? People are gushing.
And no doubt they will gush over this book, too … when it’s born.
Thanks…I loved reading that in her post. LOVE the icon.
OMG!! Thank you so much for the LJ Virtual Gift! How cool is that? I’m just tickled!!!!! WHEEE!
You’re very welcome! Happy birthday again.
I remembered a “favorite quote” of yours on the left side of your blog…and figured you might want/need to read it again:
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours!”
I’m not trying to throw this in your face; I’m just gently reminding you of words that I also found useful/comforting to me a week or so ago when I was visiting your blog…
((hugs))
Oooh….very good reminder. Thank you very much.
Well, if you’re not a writer, I’m sure not a writer, ’cause I don’t even know, for sure, what ‘backstory’ is.
I say, you’re a writer. And I have the my advanced copies to prove it.
Don