I would love to say I’ve been absent from blogging because I’ve been hunkered down in front of the computer writing my little heart out. Alas, that has not been the case. Some yes, but not a lot. But I’ve finally realized that I can’t keep my writing self separate from any other part of me. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. I am a writer with a dayjob in tech that has nothing to do with writing. I am an animal lover, a gardener, and a constant work-in-progress. I shouldn’t try to separate them. So I won’t.
Life is hard lately. I’m broken in a few places. Some of the breaks will heal with time when I have a chance to rest and some of them never will. I need to grieve the changes that make me sad and celebrate those that bring me joy. But some days it’s hard to find the joy as much as I would like to. I stopped posting for a while first because I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even put sentences together and second because, well, I was trying to figure out how to post about writing when I wasn’t writing and how not be depressing when I did it.
Since Christmas, life has been doing the out-of-control roller coaster sort of thing. Not the fun kind. There was some tough loving that needed doing and I did it but the process broke my heart into tiny pieces. I’m doing a lot of health battles of my own – some I can work on (years of not taking care of myself as well as I should catching up with me as I approach 50) and some are just the toss of the dice that I have to accept and adapt to. That’s tough for me. And the hardest of them all (because it is never going to go away,) is that my son’s muscular dystrophy has accelerated and he has been dealing with some additional serious health problems which may or may not be related to his disease. He’s struggling to cope with the overwhelmingness of his life and I’m struggling as I was him try to cope.
And yet, there are words. There ARE words that swirl around in the fog of my brain. There are characters waiting patiently (and some not so patiently) in the corners, waiting for me to call to them once more. There are stories waiting to be told. Stories only I can tell.
And I will.
*sigh* Oh Susan, the best thing I can think of to do is to send you a sincere cyber hug…and let you know that if you ever need a friend, I’m here. And even if you don’t, I’m still here, thinking of you.
Thank you, Cathy. I appreciate the hug and the offer. It means a lot.
I know you will.
Thanks, James. It’s knowing people like you that help keep me strong.
You know I’m thinking of you and sending you hugs! See you on the 7th! *hugs* have a FANTASTIC time at your conference this weekend! You deserve it!
You give the best hugs! It was a wet weekend with a lot of nice chats, even though I was still under the weather.
Get better soon! And shall I expect another page on the 7th? 😉
Yes, you should. Though I don’t know which project it will be from. 🙂
I hope you find this weekend a comforting time to soar above this last road, and find a smoother one
I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a hard time, Susan. Seeing your son is pain must be so painful for you…hope some of the cloudiness passes soon.
Thank you. It IS hard.
I am sorry to hear you have been having a hard time. I can relate. Not because times are tough now, but because I have been through those times when it seems everything inside and out is broken. You never forget that overwhelming feeling that nothing will ever be right again, and knowing that you are powerless to change some of the harshest bits that are thrown your way. But always know there are friends out here who are rooting for you, praying for you, trying to brace up an invisable support for you to cling to, sending it in thought waves, cyber waves and prayer.
I pray things begin to turn around. You deserve that. Lois
Oh Lois, you nailed it. That’s exactly how I feel. I am learning, or trying to learn, that keeping it in doesn’t help either and sharing it, actually makes things a little easier to deal with. I’ve always been afraid that if I share what’s going on with friends, people will start to back away when they see me coming, you know? But this weekend I tried talking about it more and I do think it helped a little.
A strong woman wrote this post, it’s good to know you have her(you)to lean on.
I’m sorry for your struggles and wish you only the best. Write on!
Thank you for caring. I keep saying it means a lot to hear from all of you and I hope you know that it really does.
That’s the great thing about this ‘lil online community that we have here, its collective strength is here to lean on when it is needed. Together, we can do anything.
And you are welcome, thank you for giving me the opportunity to care.
Re: Inside a writers life
Susan you will be prayed for and know that when you do begin to write again the stories you have to tell will be told. There has to be a time to take care of yourself and your son and it sounds like that time is now. Sometimes we stretch ourselves too far (and I am a member of that choir) and something just snaps. What that is, is our body telling us to slow down and work on an area that needs to be worked on.
Your health and well being are essential for without them you are not able to devote the necessary concentration on the characters that are within your head, heart, and mind who await your skills to tell their story.
I have written only one short story (a Christian mystery) and I had to devote the time to that 10 chapter treatise because it was the right time for it to come out and I had fewer distractions at the time, as writing was so much a part of my life that it was natural for me to do that then.
I wanted to encourage you as a fellow writer but also as a person who knows that there comes a time to tend to the important matters of life and it would appear you are in this season. Rest, take care of your family, and remember that when you write the stories will be told and people will be around to read them.
servant in Christ.
His Servant Ministries.
Copenator Crew Leader
Learning to Cope, by Steve Cope E-book available on http://www.lulu.com
Re: Inside a writers life
Thank you. I appreciate your care and concern.
Re: Inside a writers life
Your welcome Susan. Take care this coming week and I will be praying for you.
Hugs greatly appreciated. Thanks!
I’m so sorry for your hard times, Susan. You’re in my thoughts.
Thank you, Jo.
There are stories waiting to be told. Stories only I can tell.
This is truest.
Thank goodness for writing. It makes everything else bearable. I hope things start easing up for you soon, Susan.
Yes, thank goodness for writing. In the telling of the tale, one can often get so caught up in the telling that the pain is softened.
Welcome back, Susan. We, like your characters, will always wait (patiently or not) and be ready to read your words.
Thanks, Laura. I’m trying. Step by step. I know you know the drill.
Susan, I hear you. I’m on the same roller coaster, also trying to get off. Hang tough and know that you can only do what you can only do. 🙂
Thanks, Lara. It really does help to know someone I admire (that would be you) is on her own roller coaster. Not that I want you to be in any of the crazymaking stuff I am but because it does help to know I am not alone. Because then I can accept that it is a part of life and not something that is “all my fault” which is a boost to the self-esteem.
Step by step, I’m going to get there, and enjoy the journey.
Susan, I know you are a strong woman and that you have the gift. Your best book is yet to be written.
Thanks, April. It’s a good thing I believe that saying by my birthday twin about how what doesn’t break you, makes you stronger. The words will show the way.
I’m so sorry that life has been hammering you and those you love. This time of year, when everything is cold and gray, things seem to hit so much harder, too. I’ve missed your posts and your dialogues with your characters 🙂 but it’s okay to take time for other things. We’ll be keeping you in our thoughts.
I like being in your thoughts. You so often make me smile that it can only be a warm and comfy place for me to regain my strength. Thank you.
Hang in there, Susan (((hugs)))
Thank you. I wish strengh for both of us right now!
And to still have words — that is a gift. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there.
There have been many times when words are all I have had to hold on to.
The words are there now and will be there for you when you’re ready to catch hold and put them on paper. I’m sending good thoughts your way, Susan.
I appreciate the good thoughts. They give me a wonderful protective cushion when I need it, like now.
Hang in there. Hugs.
Thank you for posting. The blog doesn’t always have to be about writing. It’s like you said, it’s all mixed together, and if you try and separate it, it just gets harder.
I’m here if you need to talk/vent.
Thanks, Becky. It took me a while to figure that out – that I can’t parcel out the pieces of me because then there is nothing left.
I DO need you. Getting to know you away from LJ is one of the things I look forward to, a lot.
I’m home from Asilomar hope our schedules will mesh for a connection soon.
Sometimes the writing itself can be part of the healing. I wish you healing, in whatever form you find it.
You are so right – writing heals the writer on so many levels. Ink to page to heart to heal. Thank you.
I’m sending you some positive vibes to help you get through this bump on your path. A wise person told me this is the year to reach out with joy. I hope she is still able to reach out, even as the joy is trying to find her through the clouds.
Re: Virtual Hug
Thanks E! I am still looking, reaching, hoping to find the joy. I see it in snatches and it make me smile.
You should know that your words touched my heart and brought me some of that joy.
Holding you in my heart…
Thank you, Liz. How can I now smile when I see your wonderful smiling face looking back at me?