Okay – I haven’t been around for a while, well, I have been but you haven’t seen me. More on that in a bit but first I wanted to share a few surreal moments in my writing life and a writing lesson I learned. Sigh.
I’ve been a member of California Writers Club (CWC) for many, many years. It was the first writing group I joined not long after my kids were born. (My “baby” will be 24 in a couple of months so it’s been a while.) I first joined the Mt. Diablo Branch as that was closest to where I lived at the time. Back then I lived out in what was thought to be the boonies (Oakley) but it was worth it to drive an hour one way once a month to meet with other writers (in Walnut Creek). I met my first agent through CWC (Helen McGrath). I started writing the newsletter for them and met and formed my first and second critique groups from members of CWC.I grew up a lot around CWC. I learned to be less intimidated when talking to “real” writers a.k.a. “People Who Were Published“. I experimented with a lot of different kinds of writing and eventually found my way to writing primarily for children. Being a member of CWC as well as SCBWI gave me a nice well-rounded education. When I left California for Virginia and then New Orleans, I was able to connect with SCWBI groups in each state but I never managed to link up with other writing groups. After a few years I came home to California, landing this time in the South Bay, the heart of the Silicon Valley. I immediately joined CWC again driving an hour, one way (from the opposite direction) in order to reconnect with old friends. That was great the first few years I was back home but after a while it got harder and harder to make the drive on a Saturday. I worked hard all week and I wanted to sleep in on Saturdays (even if the meetings were only once a month). After not going to the Mt. Diablo meetings for a couple of years I finally had to admit to myself that it was time to transfer my membership over to the South Bay branch of CWC. I’ve been living in the South Bay for almost 10 years now. It’s time to make local connections (something I have stressed over before as the Silicon Valley is so huge.) A couple weeks ago I went to my first South Bay meeting. They meet at the Lookout Bar and Grill in Sunnyvale (a whopping 10 minutes from my home). Yipee. They meet on Wednesday nights which means my weekends are still free. (And for those in the area who are interested, their next meeting is July 12th.) Before we get to the surreal part here’s something I learned at the meeting. I haven’t figured out how to apply it to myself yet but I know it was an important lesson.
I knew I wouldn’t know anyone at the meeting. (Stepping way outside the comfort zone here to go it alone.) I was early so I got my plate of food and sat down at an empty table. Yes, I know if I want to meet local people I have to do the networking thing but I am still one very shy, introverted (INFP to the max) and not too confident of a person. So I sat alone and told myself it was all the better to see the podium. I had 4 of my books in my bag. (Hey, I might be shy but I know what I’m supposed to do, even if I don’t always do it.) Two woman sat down on the right of me. We started to chat. (the books stayed in my bag.) Three woman sat down to the left of me. We also started to chat. (No, I still didn’t reach for my bag.) There was one seat left at the table. I continued to chat with all the women there, very casual like, for about 20 minutes. Then a man sat down at the empty seat. He put his plate of food on the table, sat down and then pulled out a copy of his novel and started talking about. In less than 30 seconds everyone at the table knew him and his book. And me? I sat there feeling dumb and trying to decide what number to give when people asked me how many books I had sold.
An aside to tell this story. It might sound funny but the number of books I’ve sold depends on how you want to count. If I tell you I’ve sold 24 books for children you will likely gasp. But here’s the breakdown:
Sold but never published – 1
Sold to German publisher, only available in Gemany – 2
Sold to Korean publisher, only available in Korea – 13
Sold to small, defunct educational only publisher – 2
Sold to educational publisher, only available through the publisher – 2
Sold to publishers whose names you would recognize, books are available everywhere including on Amazon – 4
So you can see how saying “I’ve sold 24 books” might be hard to do with a straight face.
Eventually the guy had to stop talking long enough to eat and I slapped one hand on the table and FINALLY reached into my bag with the other hand. I said, “This guy just sat down and in less than a minute, you’ve all seen his book. I’ve been here for close to half an hour and haven’t managed to get my books out of my bag yet. I think we can all learn a lesson from him.” THEN I put my books on the table to share. For a few minutes we discussed how it was that a man was able to go right into sell mode. Was it the fact that he was a man sitting down at a table of women? Was it just personality differences? Do I just totally stink at self-promotion? I don’t know the final answers but I do think the questions worthy of discussion.
Now for the surreal part of the night. The women all reached for books and started to pass them around with the appropriate oohing and ahhing over them all. The last book to be picked up was CAN I PRAY WITH MY EYES OPEN? One woman said, “I have an autographed copy of this book on my shelf at home. You spoke at my daughter’s school a couple of years ago.” Whoa! Considering that I have only spoken at 2 local schools, this was a surreal moment. Then the book made it to the other side of the table. There was a little squeal and I looked over to see someone hugging the book to her chest. “I LOVE this book. I give it as a gift all the time. I can’t believe I’m sitting here with the author of one of my favorite books.” I am seriously weirding out by now because this is, remember, CWC, NOT SCBWI. I still can’t get over the idea of total strangers reading (and liking) my books.
Moral of the story? There are a few. One, step outside your comfort zone. More often than not, it will be a good thing. Two, you can and should talk about your work, your successes. Three, well I don’t have a third one but I hate even numbers. As for the other update, I’m here and I am reading all your blogs but posting means typing and my tendonitis and back/shoulder/arm/tingling fingers problems are in major flareup mode and typing hurts like the dickens (okay, I’m not really sure what it means to hurt like the dickens but my grandmother always said it when something hurt a lot.) Please know that I am reading my flist every day and if I could pick up the phone and respond to each of you, I would. It would be a lot easier on me than the typing.
Great post! Your story reminds me of something a friend of mine once said: “It’s a poor puppy who can’t wag her own tail.”
Hope you feel better soon, Susan. The dickens is an awful lot of pain. 🙁
Thanks. Sometimes that tail wagging is a bit more complicated than it looks.
Arm is better, sort of, but not pain free. Sigh.
I can feel your pain–I’m very intimidated at conferences and would never step foot at the CWC (I am most comfortable with other children’s writers). I applaud your gumption! So glad it worked out for you. Keep stepping out there!
Thanks, Pamm. I am hopeful (not overly so but still hopeful) that I can make local connections via CWC as SCBWI is spead out so far in this area. Though to really get local promotion I need to find ways to link with local events. Sometimes it all just seems like too much work, ya know? I just wanna write.
Great post. Since it isn’t locked, I’m going to link to it and send a published friend here. Like you, she knows she needs to self-promote, but is so self-effacing that she just never seems to.
ps: 24 is very impressive, but I can see why you don’t push that number since you’d have to add so many qualifiers. 😉
Please do share the post with anyone you think it would help. I’m going to try and do another post related to this as soon as I can gather my thoughts. (Sorry for the delay of a reply but with the arm thing I’ve been mostly reading and not typing.)
And yeah, blasted qualifiers. 🙂
I published three books in Korea, only available in Korea.
Of course, I also publish a bunch of books in Spanish, only available in Spanish.
And many of my books have foreign language editions before (if ever) having an English language one.
But sometimes these result in the nicest coincidences, like what happened to you at this recent CWC meeting.
🙂
I don’t know the final answers but I do think the questions worthy of discussion.
Very worthy of discussion!
When I ran the SCBWI Spain region, we’d get both men and women who came to check out the group.
Almost invariably, the men didn’t come back; they weren’t looking for community, but the secret handshake that would get them published/published faster/published more often/etc.
They didn’t want to put in the effor to futilizing the rich and rewarding resources SCBWI offers; they expected publishers to come to them instead of having to use SCBWI to do their homework and learn and etc.
Just before I stopped being the RA a few months ago, there was a meeting with three or four males in attendance, who were all repeats, and afterward many of the female members were (and only partly in jest) all a buzz, and trying to determine their sexuality, because we’d never had so many males express continued interest before! 🙂
(Alas, the monthly socials seem to be in abeyance since I stepped down, and actually some of those men have moved out of Madrid… The others are British ex-pats, so perhaps different socialization than the american ex-pats and Spaniards, who reacted almost invariable as described above.)
the publishing business is weird, isn’t it?
Almost invariably, the men didn’t come back; they weren’t looking for community, but the secret handshake that would get them published/published faster/published more often/etc.
This is sad but I see it here as well. Not so much just the men but they are usually less likely to want to socialize. It’s more like a warrior mentality, get in and get out.
I want to come back to this more as soon as I can gather my thoughts.
Again, sorry for the lack of repsonse to your thoughtful post but the bum arm kept getting in the way of the actual typing.
Your post made me smile. I am *so* the opposite of you. My books would’ve been on the table before the drinks came. Hee. Hee. 😉
hahaha
glad to hear it. on both counts
Thanks for this, Susan. I recently joined the St. Louis Writer’s Guild but haven’t yet made a meeting. (Haven’t even looked when/where the meetings are.)Your post is quite inspiring. Off to the website to mark my calendar. I will be brave.
And hope the tendonitis finds a way out of your body. I know how painful and stubborn it can be.
Good for you, Jody! Let us know how the meeting goes.
Alas I am still strugging with the arm. The best thing is to not use it for a few months which really isn’t possible. Sigh.
I am so proud of you. I would still be thinking… Hhmm. SHould I take ’em out.
Even though the man did.
I am so glad you did it. And you shared it.
Thanks.
Thanks for the support. Man it is tough to brave in those situations.
This is interesting, and it proves a point I’ve been thinking about. A lot of female writers I know complain that male writers get all the money/publicity/speaking engagements/school visits, etc. What I’ve found is that, while it is possible that there are discriminatory reasons men get these things (e.g., library science is a female-dominated profession, and so they invite writers they think are hot and/or charming), I also think that men are often better self-promoters than women. They approach it as a career, not a hobby. Female writers who approach writing this way (Jane Yolen comes to mind. So does Sharon Draper) get the same perks as men.
Just recently, I was talking to a female writer friend of mine. I mentioned that a male writer friend, who is in many ways, similarly situated to me, gets more speaking engagements than I do. She said, “It’s because he has a (male sex organ).” I thought about it and said, “No, it’s because he’s a better speaker than I am.” Because he is. He’s funny and entertaining. And he works at it.
I think it behooves female writers to learn to be better self-promoters, to put their books and themselves out there like men do. Or, if they don’t care to or don’t have time, they should accept that. It sounds like you did put yourself out there, so congrats.
OOh!Soo sorry you’vegot tendonitis. Very interesting post! I want to hear about the Korean only books– that’s very interesting!
What a great post!
What a great post! I hope you’re feeling better too!
What a great story and a great reminder to everyone about self promotion.
This post reminds me that I also promised another story for our newsletter–very related to this topic! Better get on that.
Re: What a great post!
Thanks, Kim. I keep reading things in your blog I want to respond to but I am still having to limit my typing time.
great post Susan. And something I’ve been talking about for some time as well. Men are self promoters by nature, at least many of them. Society trains them to be that way. Didn’t we grow up with the idea of men are the family supporters? In order to support, you have to compete for the jobs. I’ve found men to be much more vocal about their work as real work, and women, although they don’t say writing is a hobby, will treat it as such until they are challenged. Such an interesting topic to think about.
I do hope you feel better soon! hugs.
Thanks, Diane. I want to think more about this topic too. I think you are right, that society trains men to self promote and trains women to defer their dreams.
Yay on stepping outside of your comfort zone! What a moment it must have been when people knew and loved your work. Thank you for sharing all this. What a terrific post.
Take care of yourself. Step away from the keyboard!
Terrific post.
Reminds me of the best book I ever read about communication, You Just Don’t Understand, by Deborah Tannen. (That male author, Whatshisname Gray, pretty much ripped off a lot of her work when he wrote the Mars and Venus series.)
Something that has always stayed with me is that women build RAPPORT when they converse, whereas men REPORT.
You were getting to know people, building rapport, starting to think about sharing your books … when the male author showed up and said, “Hi, I’m Joe, and this is my book.” Just the facts, ma’am.
Plus: I love that you slapped one hand on the table.
Susan, I’ve been there. And I know the pain, and burning, and tingling and about 20 other symtoms that go along with repetitive stress. Take care, rest, and take the advice of my physical therapist: don’t let them operate on you! I didn’t, and eventually got better.
Don
http://devast.blogspot.com
Thanks for the support, Don. When this first happened a couple of years ago they told me I wasn’t a good candidate for surgery but I was a good candidate for not typing so much. ARgh. It stinks. Stinks stinks stinks.
And no one around me knows how much I hurt unless I want to wear a big sign so they think I’m slacking off.
Thanks for sharing that story, Susan!
And about it being painful to type–I’ve been there, too. It’s gotta be one of the worst things for a writer to go through. I hope you feel better soon.
You’re welcome. Thanks for listening and nice to see you around these parts again.
You are so right – it is one of the toughest things for a writer, this not typing thing. I wish I could dicate but I stink at that. Need to feel the words fall out my fingertips.
great post, and congratulations on slapping that hand down! 🙂
hope you’re feeling better very soon.
Thank you! I’m working on the getting better part. I wish I had more control over it but alas, time is not something I can control. Heck, I can barely control my dog.
Hey, Susan!
Thanks for friending me…your journal is great! Where did you find me?
I sure hear you about the arm-shoulder-neck thing, I’ve had some kind of whiplash effect in shoulders and neck since early March. Better now, but takes the fun out of it all, doesn’t it? Take Care!
Re: Hey, Susan!
Hey, Elizabeth. I found you doing some friend surfing since it is much easier to just read posts than do much typing right now. We had a lot of the same friends so I figured, hey, I need to get to know you!
Oh ick ick ick on even the idea of the whiplash effect. Ouch! It does take all the fun out of way too many things. Sigh. The other thing that is frustrating is because you aren’t going around with a big cast on your arm or bandages everywhere, people don’t realize how much pain you are in unless you talk about it and who wants to talk about that stuff all the time?