I am, by nature, an introvert. An extreme INFP. Every time. It is the day after Christmas and I am overwhelmed.
I think it is too much of everything. Not the food and drink kind of everything but the stimulation and the newness of so many things in the last few weeks. Like the main character in my WIP I don’t do change well. I’m not talking about just big change like moving or changing jobs but even little changes like the icons on my desktop not being in the same place because Windows has decided to rearrange them for me without warning.
It is all the little things that have piled up to make me feel overwhelmed.
In the last week and a half I bought new glasses, a new camera and a new monitor. This is all good, I know. But it is hard for me.
The monitor went back (it was too big and it hurt my eyes) and I inheirted my husband’s old monitor and have had to deal with the fact that every time I plug the laptop into the monitor all the icons move. I also have a new keyboard tray, articulating, which is good, but it is different and I can’t get the monitor height right. In order to plug the monitor into the laptop I have to put the laptop on the opposite side of my desk than I used to. No big deal but something else to get used to.
I don’t have the new glasses yet – I pick them up tomorrow – but there will be much getting used to with them as they are not only different in style but are progressives as well.
The new camera is so different and the only thing I like better about it is the size. My husband likes it enough for us to keep it but when I look at it just bugs me for no reason. Or for stupid reasons because I can’t stand the adapter that plugs into the bottom of it so it can connect to the computer. It’s a dumb reason to not like something.
And now I have an iPod which I have avoided for a while because, okay, I am really weird on this, but having music pumped right into my ears is just too intense for me. It is too too much. I am hoping I will get used to it or figure something out. But then it also means getting used to a different interface with iTunes. Argh.
I need a new cell phone because my old one is held together with tape but the thought of picking out a new one is again, too too much.
I find that right now my brain is exhausted from people and movies and music and so much more.
How do the rest of you do it? How do you cope with so much newness in your life and the constant influx of stimulation?
When my kids were little and one of them would get hurt, like the time my son split his head open with an aluminum baseball bat, I was totally calm in the middle of the crisis. It was only later, after I had him safe at home again, tucked into his own little bed, then I would let myself fall apart.
That’s what I feel like now. And I feel so absolutely silly that I feel that way. Sigh.
My friend’s little girl is very much like that every day of her life (in her case, autism is the explanation). In your case, it sounds very much to me like you’ve bitten off more than you can reasonably chew at one time, and that you are one of those people who needs to take things in baby steps and then allow yourself to reach stasis (or something like it) before moving on. Not a damn thing wrong with you, just your own wiring. And if I were listening to Spiderman 3, I’d have been overwhelmed too.
Also, I am profoundly grateful that my parents and brother left earlier this morning. It was wonderful to see them, and great to have them here, but by 11 p.m. last night I was more than ready for them to head out. Because even though they never said a th ing about it or banged forks and knives on the table, their presence here placed all sorts of demands on me. I felt like I needed to get up extra early so they wouldn’t think I sleep late. And I had to fix meals. Lots of meals. And none of them ever offered help. Not even once, although I do count my mother’s decision to set the table twice out of at least 6 major meals as assistance.
And feeling like you have demands on your time that are not necessarily your own choice can be harrowing, even if those demands are from largely inanimate objects, like technology and new prescriptions. Be gentle with yourself, is my advice.
I love change…but only in the fun stuff, like things to learn or classes to try or places to go. The stuff that I depend on, like my computer being a certain way–well, I’m not so happy when that changes. Even if it might be better in the long run.
One question: are all of these changes necessary? The iPod and the camera and the new monitor? Maybe they are, and you just didn’t go into detail. But some people, like your husband (I think) and mine (I know), like to be up on the latest new thing and want to drag us along with them. This can be good eventually, but I have to put my foot down sometimes and just be a dinosaur: “No, our old camera is fine.” He was bucking for a new digital camera for more than a year before our old one finally broke and we got a new one.
Now, I love the new camera. But it was a lot of time and energy getting used to it and learning how to download, etc. Not tons, but it did take a while. So I don’t want all the latest stuff because then everything is always in a state of flux!
I like to portion out the change. We got a new camera one month. No new tech stuff for a couple of months. If something breaks, then that’s different. But change just for the sake of “upgrading,” I try to space that out a lot.
What Kelly said is so smart. Just accept your basic nature and needs, and be gentle with yourself!
Laura and Kelly make a lot of sense. For me, this time of year is overwhelming. Mentally, I feel like January will be a vacation.
About that i-Pod. We almost never use ours with the ear buds. We have docking stations all over the house and in the car, and use it more like a stereo than something blaring directly into our ears. The girls just got a new iPod karaoke machine too. Of course, that introduces a lot more gadgets….
I love to wear my MP3 player when I’m doing things I hate, like getting groceries or cleaning the house. It’s like the music can lift me to a higher place and help me not to stress or be so impatient. 🙂
Susan, I don’t think you’re silly at all. I have a techie name for my overwhelmed feeling: Too much input; not enough output. Scribbling in a journal helps with that; if I can dump some of that on paper, I feel lighter. Once, when I couldn’t figure out why I was so tired, I made a list of what I’d done in the last week, and seeing it all in black and white made me feel less crazy. Also, getting in bed and pulling the covers up and hibernating works well if your family will let you.
I get overwhelmed by too much choice. My husband, bless his heart, bought me an office chair for Christmas—something I desperately needed, but had put off for months and months. He said he set a minimum standard for good looks, and then went and sat in them all to judge comfort. He brought his pick home and said: “Now all you have to say is yes or no. You like it or you don’t.” I liked it. But I liked not having to go to the store and be overwhelmed by the choosing more!
We’ve had to replace almost every single electronic gizmo we own just within the last two years. This year, it was the microwave, the TV and the coffeepot, which chose to crap out on Christmas morning! (Fortunately, we managed to squeeze two cups out of it first.) I still haven’t replaced my clock radio. We didn’t choose to do any of that…they just all exhausted their life expectancies at the same time. And the new ones are never quite ‘right.’ It drives my crazy! I hate change, too.
You are not alone. Right now, I am so overwhelmed with change, I can’t breathe right. Best to you in the new year!
Don, Devas T.
I can usually handle the new stuff, but I get very overstimulated when there is too much noise and action and people around. I love my family but they sure are loud, and there are a lot of them to keep track of. And there’s no time to listen to my inner voices. I’m glad I have a few days off after Christmas before I have to go back to work.
Susan,
You are TOTALLY not alone. Yesterday, I called the vet to tell them I wouldn’t be picking up the cat food today. One little drive up the mountain and back, and the thought of it was sending me into serious overload. I don’t know when I’ll get the cat food, but it’s NOT today.
Here’s how I do it. I stop. I just tell myself I don’t have to. And, no, you can’t do it with everything, but sometimes one or two, at the most, tasks lifted from the shoulders are enough. Like…you probably have to pick up the new glasses, but you don’t have to switch to them…today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the next day. (Find out from your eye doctor, how many days you have to switch them if they don’t work!) And you sure as heck don’t have to use that new camera! 🙂
The other thing I learned, when I had a baby and was pretty much overwhelmed every minute of every hour of every day…write it down. Put it on your to-do list, so you get that anxiety about forgetting to do it out of your head, then…forget about it! Till you feel ready to look at the list again.
Finally, there’s probably something in your writing brain (if its anything like mine) that says you have to figure out this MC in your new book NOW. You don’t. I know the feeling–I THINK I just figure out who the bad guy is in my WIP, and now I’m coming up with all the reasons it might not work. Time to put it aside & move on to something else…
Hang in there. Give yourself permission to pour a cup of tea and curl up with a book that you don’t HAVE to read. 🙂
Oh, yes, this is me.
Don’t feel bad, Susan. I don’t deal well with change anymore either. I can’t even drive to Disney (2 hours away)by myself, and spend the day without having an anxiety attack. Good grief! I’m determined to work on this though.
Take a deep breath and relax. You’re fine.
xoxo
lois
Have you seen the Shrinking Violets blog? It’s especially for children’s writers who are also introverts. It was started as a place to help introverts deal with the stress of marketing and publishing, and still does that, but has expanded into a kind of online reassurance about introverted living in general. http://shrinkingvioletpromotions.blogspot.com/
We are not alone in liking to be alone. And liking the comfort of routine. And not liking new gadgets flooding our lives every couple of months. I still don’t have a cell phone, and my husband had to force a CD player upon me. I don’t have an iPod either.
Good vibes to you.
I’m an extrovert.
I have a hard time over school vacations because as much as I love my kids, when they’re home, I get almost no time to myself. And now that I have one teenager and one almost-teenager, they don’t go to bed early enough that there’s any quiet time in the evening.
I really need my five hours a day of quiet and if I don’t get it, I am incredibly cross. So I hear you.